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Monday, June 30, 2003
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I bought food today! I know, this may not sound that exciting, but it definitely was to me. Food = good. I bought milk and butter and Special K with Red Berries and white bread and ice cream! I was really excited about the ice cream. I was conscientious about it and bought the stuff that was on sale, even though the flavor selection wasn't that great and I'd never heard of the brand. But I love ice cream, right? So after I got back, even though I had already eaten dinner, I had some cereal and some ice cream and some toast. Yeah, I've been deprived of just about everything but pasta as of late. Ohh, and homemade lemonade ice tea.
The money I used for it.... yeah, this is weird to me. I went into work on Saturday, and got sent from Brookstone to Gardener's Eden, which is basically the same company only all lawn and garden and home. It was so much better because I didn't have to deal with the store manager (same for both stores) and the Assistant Manager over there is soooo nice. =) Anyway, I was ringing up a customer, and then someone else came up and pointed out that there was a ten dollar bill on the ground. I picked it up and informed the manager. She told me to go out and see if I could find the woman. I looked up and down the strip, and also went into the next coupla stores around us, but no avail. So Tammy put the bill in a drawer. At the end of the day, she said that because I had found it and the woman hadn't come to claim it, it was mine. So I'm ten dollars richer (or less poor, more accurately). I feel extremely bad about this, but I'm trying not to because it payed for my food today. I spent exactly $10.05. The thing is, the times when I most feel like I'm a good and worthy person are when I'm honest. And taking that money felt dishonest. But.... I don't know. I was at the grocery store, and the guy entered in the money I gave him as $20.05 instead of $10.05 and was about to give me $10.00 back when I corrected him. He thanked me for being honest. I've done stuff such as that before, kinda. I was in Best Buy a coupla months ago, and I saw a $20.00 bill on the ground, and knew that I could have picked it up without anyone knowing. But instead I alerted the people in front of me, knowing they had probably dropped it. Then, the last time I was in Ruloff's, I spotted a $20.00 bill on the floor again, on my way to the bathroom. Even though it was kinda across the bar a little, I went up to the people sitting on the stools above it and alerted them. It actually made my night, because it was the only thing worthwhile about it (read back entries about my last night in Ithaca). Losing money to me is a tragedy, and while finding money is wonderful, it's even more wonderful to make sure that other people don't lose money. It's like everything else in my life... I go out of my way to try and make people happy with the hope that one day, maybe, someone will go out of their way to make me happy. Ohh, I love making people happy just for the hell of it. But deep down, I'm waiting for my turn. Just once I want to be the one rewarded, because in helping other people all the time, I'm sometimes hurting myself with the feeling that I'm being taken advantage of and getting walked all over. And it's gotta somehow be worth it, right?
I went way off base there. Anyway. I've lost my comment feature because of blogger's upgrade, so if anyone knows of something that I can replace it with, drop me an email.
- Lizzardie, at 10:39 PM
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Friday, June 27, 2003
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The trips down to Somerville might need to stop for awhile.
Anyway, it's been a rather okay week. Work sucks, but then again, it's supposed to, right? Wednesday I went to the beach with Corinne and friends, which was nice, because it was like 90 degrees and sunny. Also went on Monday with Ron, but not until about 3pm, which is not the same as with the noon sun. After the beach on Wednesday, we drove out to Corinne's friend Jay's summer house on Lake Winnipesaukee. There was some swimming in the lake and some barbequeing, which was fun, but Jay is a complete jackass so not all that much fun, but not terrible. I went back that night - Corinne and Ron and Keith stayed the night.
Yesterday... ohh geez yesterday. I worked for 8 hours and then was supposed to drive down to Cambridge to visit with Laura. I hadn't seen her in almost 2 years, I'm pretty sure. I was supposed to meet her at 9:30, but I talked to Herb around 7, and he said he'd make me dinner if I drove down a little earlier, so that's what I did. Hamburger Helper and green beans and carrots and fresh grapes and wine! It was a nice dinner. I had Laura come to Herb's, and it turns out it was like a 4 minute walk for her, which is damn near amazing. I can't believe how close they live to each other, and I'm excited about seeing Laura often this summer. =) After sitting at Herb's for awhile as I finished my dinner and Laura enjoyed the air conditioning (which she hadn't had in these coupla days while it's been so hot - either at the house she's staying at or at the school she's working at, yikes), we went to this place called Christina's for ice cream. I had banana cinnamon, Laura had coffee oreo. Yummmm. Laura was really tired, so that was it for the night. I then went to the Thirsty Scholar with Herb and his roommates. While my intention was to drive home that night, I realized somewhere around the third drink that wouldn't be happening (I hadn't gotten a lot of sleep the night before, so the drinks were affecting me more than usual). I had 4 drinks total there, and smoked a real cigarette for the first time, ever (even though I've had cloves and pipe tobacco and cigars - I know, I'm weird). Interestingly enough, while I hate the smell of cigarette smoke, this wasn't bad at all, probably better for my lungs than other stuff I've smoked and I couldn't smell the smoke. You learn something new, I guess.
After the bar, I went back to Herb's, and he made me some drink and we started watching The Fellowship of the Ring. Which I need to see again, because I was in no condition to really take everything in, but no matter. There was wine and pipe smoking and Herb moved my car at some point and I got sick when he gave me a vitamin. All of this I remember. After I threw up, though, I remember very little until sometime later. Apparently we finished the movie, though I don't remember doing that and my next conscious thoughts found me in a bed. I had apparently been carried over there. I really don't like not remember things that happen, but I guess there's not much to be done about that now.
I slept all damn day, or at least attempted to. The room was nice and cool, so that was good. I kinda wish I had been home in my bed with my stuff, but that's what I get for not putting myself in a condition to drive home, I suppose. I shouldn't do that. Now I of couse feel ill and tired and hungover. And there's something not quite right, but that's another matter entirely. Right now I'm just hating the feeling of having no one that I feel comfortable talking to about some matters. Also my own fault, I guess.
Maybe tonight there will be reading or whatnot, but definitely sleep. And I don't have to work until noon tomorrow, which is so good. I should be fully recovered by then.
- Lizzardie, at 10:42 PM
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Sunday, June 22, 2003
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*YAWN* I just slept for 2 1/2 hours and want to sleep more, but if I do that, I'll be up all night. Dammit. Apparently my tolerance to late nights and alcohol is dwindling. So, last night, I got a call from Herb around 11:00pm, and proceeded to go down to Somerville. I've gotta stop doing that. Anyway, my plan was to come back last night, of course, but that didn't happen, after alcohol was put in face all night. White Russian (already there for me when I got there), a Corona (I hate Corona - why did I chug that?), Chianti (mmmmm), some other wine and some vodka martini that Herb made that was gray. He kept insisting that I was going home last night, but with the way everything was spinning (with my eyes open or closed), that wasn't about to happen. I ended up making it to sleep sometime after 5am, alarm that was set for me went off at 8:30am, left at 9am (after swallowing 2 acetemenophine tablets Herb thankfully found for me), got home, had about 10 minutes to change and whatnot, and went to work! That was fun! I felt so awful at work today, but at least I have tomorrow off! Yay for that!
I did feel kinda bad about one thing.... I left last night while Ron was in the shower, without telling him.... and then I got a phone call from him at around 3am, because he woke up and was concerned that I was still not home.... I was decently intoxicated at that point, and I tried to reassure him... I don't think I did a good job... but then Herb took the phone away from me, and he did a better job... but then Ron was stuck having to talk to Herb, someone he's met like once, and then Herb's friend Jeff, who he's never met (this was because Jeff currently works at Rutgers and Ron is starting law school there in the fall). Then, Ron called me AGAIN at 8:45 this morning, when I still wasn't home, to make sure I was alive and that he didn't need to call work for me to tell them I'd been in a terrible car accident! It was thoughtful for him to call so much to make sure I was okay, but as Demetri said, he needs to get used to my antics.
I was thinking that I wouldn't be going down to Boston (i.e., Somerville) that often this summer, just ocassionally.... but given the last coupla days, I'm not so sure about that. If I'm entirely willing to just up and go down there at 10:30/11:00pm at night, on a moment's notice, twice in like 5 days.... I'll probably be down there more than I first thought. The drive isn't bad, I made it yesterday without getting terribly lost (I didn't follow Herb's directions exactly yesterday, but made it without consequence, and there's some debate about which way is better) and got to see everything in daylight today which helped me get my bearings and I shouldn't have trouble any longer. There was a beautiful view of the city of Boston last night, right before I got off of the highway (this time at the right exit). Shirley said that she gets just about that same view from her bedroom window, which is just amazing! I want something like that.
Laura left me an IM last night while I was gone.... the next time I'm down in the area, I definitely need to get together with her - I haven't seen her in so long, and she'll be in Cambridge all summer... it'll be like a little taste of home. =)
The job at Brookstone is going well. The first coupla days all I did was greet customers, and that was boring as hell, but now I've started on a cash register, and that's a lot more fun. =) Ohh, and when it's slow, I get to try out the massagers. :-D Can't beat that! And besides that, it pays the bills and that's what's important right now.
So the summer is shaping up well. I've got friends near by, of all sorts. And it's such a pretty area, and I've finally seen Boston and the Atlantic ocean! And been to the top of a mountain! And my car has no longer been to a city I haven't been to! Such a whirlwind of activity. It'd be better if I had a better job, and internship of some sort, but at least I'm paying my bills and having fun, and for my last real summer before the real world hits, this is good. Real good. It was a really good decision to come out here this summer, because it's making me happy again, and giving me the break I need. I can't really explain that other than to say I like the change of pace. =)
- Lizzardie, at 11:03 PM
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Wednesday, June 18, 2003
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So let's see. I got a new job. Yeah, not getting enough hours hostessing, though I liked it. I guess I'll never be eating at that Weathervane again, though I still need to get a good Maine lobster, and a nice bowl of real New England clam chowder. I went in today to quit, and it was not so pleasant. I have never before quit without giving 2 weeks notice. The manager kinda reprimanded me, as if I didn't know what I was doing. But seriously, as if I need them as a reference. Anyway, I start the new job at Brookstone tomorrow, and they're giving me 40 hours a week. Basically, when I found out Saturday that what my new schedule at Weathervane was, I decided to get another job. I was only looking part-time, but Brookstone offered me full-time, so I quit Weathervane. It was a very fast decision, but well worth it, I'm sure. Anything is quieter than working in a restaurant!
Driving Adventure #1: I saw Boston last night, quite accidentally. I got a call from Herb around 10:00pm last night (I hadn't spoken to him in a week) and decided to go down to see him, have a drink, get my blender (which he had grabbed from storage for me). He had me look up my own directions, which was fine. I was contently following them when he called again, and put Asheen on the phone to direct me. I was about 2 minutes from their house at one point, though Asheen's directing led me all the way to... downtown Boston! I was on Sturrow Drive, which is apparently a major road in Boston. I in fact drove on that for quite some time, and missed the first 2 of 3 bridges. Once Asheen realized he had no idea where I was, he put Herb back on the phone, who was able to (eventually) correct whatever happened and got me to Somerville, where I was supposed to be! Oy. Not how I wanted my first trip to Boston to be, but whatever. What a confusing city. Herb and I went to the Thirsty Scholar Pub, which was nice. I have a stolen pen! It even says, Stolen from the Thirsty Scholar Pub! So yeah, my souveneirs of the trip are a pen and my blender. All in all, once I figure out how to get to their apartment (which is very nice), it's not a bad drive from here. Though seeing it in daylight might be nice. Herb led me back to the highway with his car, so at least I didn't have to figure out how to get back on my own, and one day (if I ever decide to venture down there again) I'm sure I'll figure out the journey.
Driving Adventure #2: Then today, I went on an adventure with Corinne. She wanted a bagel from the bagel shop at the University of New Hampshire, so that's where we went. She had Mapquest directions (let's not talk about my hatred for Mapquest) and we ended up going in circles, crossing the same two bridges about 4 times apiece! So much fun. Eventually we made it there, she gave me a short tour of UNH, we saw someone with an Ithaca Is Gorges shirt in the bagel place and we randomly ran into her friend Jenny as we were leaving. We were supposed to go to the beach later, but alas, it rained, so that plan was foiled. Another time.
Driving Adventure #3: When Ron got home from work today, he mentioned that he took the alternate route home from Kittery. And when I drove out to Kittery to quit my job, I noticed how backed up the Spalding was. So..... I decided to chance it and take 101. And lo and behold, it worked! It takes you straight to Dover! And only 3 stoplights, which is damn near amazing. It's as if it was built especially to get Ron and I to and from work! Speed limit is only 35mph the whole time, but it took 20 minutes (10 less than the expressways) and that was with me not being very sure of where I was going. I will be taking that to work tomorrow, for sure.
So... as it turns out, third time's a charm, and my last driving adventure worked out. No more driving adventures for awhile. And in other news, I finished Book 1 of the Lord of the Rings series (first half of the Fellowship of the Ring) and it's about damn time I made a dent in that series!
- Lizzardie, at 11:52 PM
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Sunday, June 15, 2003
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So, I experienced a minor financial crisis the other day. Only it wasn't a crisis, as it were, I just made it into one. I make all of my credit card payments (and my car payment) online, and to make sure I made a specific payment on time, I accidently payed it twice. This caused a problem, because I knew that I didn't have enough money in my account for it, although I had a deposit en route to the bank. Basically, had the payment cleared before my deposit, I would have overdrawn my account (yet again - it's happened so much in the past year) and it would have cost me a lot of money (or at least a lot of money for someone who doesn't have money). I tried to get the payment reversed, but it was pulled from the system almost immediately. I was on the phone with my credit card company for half an hour, and I was in tears by the end of it.
As it turned out, everything was okay. My deposit got to the bank yesterday, it cleared my account and then the payment cleared, in the order I needed it to. And all is well. But I've been thinking that maybe I'm way too hard on myself sometimes. I mean, it was a $10 payment. And I was in tears over it. And had things not worked out, it would have cost me $30, but considering my parents sent me $70 more than I asked them for.... well.... I'm trying so hard to set my finances in order. And it's so hard, because I'm in such a worse position financially right now than I ever have been and I have a college degree and I'm starting grad school.... and I wonder why it has to be so hard. I used to be so motivated and so sure that through hard work I would get wherever I wanted to go, and yet lately I feel like I'm climbing up a glass wall.... and the thought of giving up enters my head almost every day. It's like I've managed to convince myself that I'm going to fail so I might as well do so. And it's funny, because that's not like me. I used to relish roadblocks. I used to wish for more, just so I could prove how strong I am (or was). That was always my opportunity to shine. And now I don't seem to be pursuing that. So if it is the case that the problem is that I've beaten myself up to the point of losing all faith in my abilities, then I need to stop. Because I need to feel like I'm going to succeed. Or else all of my hardwork would be wasted, wouldn't it?
- Lizzardie, at 12:22 AM
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Friday, June 13, 2003
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I saw the ocean today! For the first time! (The Atlantic, that is.) I was on the Maine coastline, in Ogunquit. And I climbed to the top of a mountain yesterday for the first time - Mount Major, in Alton, NH. It was wonderful! The trail was about 2 miles long, so I had a 4 mile hike, which is a lot for me (but luckily I'm somewhat used to those Cornell hills.... though there were never any rocks all over Seneca St. when I walked up it or on Libe Slope, but whatever). And the top was beautiful! I could see some lake that I can't pronounce the name of. And there were these wonderful rocks at the top and I was lying on them for about an hour, and they made my back feel so good and I got some sun! It was really really great - I need to do that again!
That's about it for excitement. I went candlepin bowling last Friday and to a bar.... Tuesday night. That was fun, though I forgot what it looks like where there is no culture or diversity. All the girls looked the same.... skanky, white, with some hair some shade of blonde.... the guys looked the same, too... also white, sandy hair, preppy... yeah, that about sums it up. I felt almost out of place with my dark curly hair! Yikes!
The ocean and the mountain really made me happy, though. I could go back and do both of those things all summer long. We walked this path called The Marginal Way, along a rocky part of the Maine coast. And we went to York Beach, where I saw salt water taffy being made (I absolutely LOVE salt water taffy). The beaches there are called like Short Side and Long Side or something. And I already said how great the mountain was! I need to live in New England. It's so pretty and nice here. I think I've pretty much decided to concentrate my job search up here (when I start the job search, which will probably be in August or something). So hopefully that will work out for me and I won't have to go back to the flat midwest. Not that Chicagoland won't always have a warm place in my heart - and I love the city of Chicago - and I'll visit - but I probably won't live there again. =/
- Lizzardie, at 6:27 PM
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Monday, June 09, 2003
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So, I got told today that I'm a little crazy and that I'm very angry about it. Not only that, but it most likely stems from my childhood, since it had to have happened long ago. Great. How do people know these things about me? And why can't I just put it behind me? All I want to do is figure out what will make me happy and then do that for the rest of my life. Only, lately it seems like I'll never be happy because nothing I do anymore makes me happy. But all I know is that if people are going to be able to tell me what facial expressions I'm making through IM, then maybe they should help me figure out what's making me so miserable, too. *sigh*
Back to the surface, where I appear somewhat sane to those who know me, but don't know me very well. I started work today, kinda. I had orientation and found out that I get 50% off of all food while I'm on shift. Yippee! Also, I got my schedule for the week, and I have Friday off, which means I can go to the beach with Corinne and Ron, which is nice. I can't wait to go to the beach. And my first paycheck comes next Friday, which is good, but also means I'll be calling the parents for money, since I can't pay the mid-June bills with non-existent money. *sigh* The bills never stop coming in, I swear.
That's really all for now. I've reread all 4 Harry Potter books in anticipation for the 5th book to come out very soon. I will buy it, as soon as I have the money. I'm going to start the Lord of the Rings trilogy for the fourth time, and maybe this time I'll get through more than the first 100 pages. And I've been eating lots of pasta, because that's all I really have. I had the rest of my tricolor spiral noodles today, so I think for dinner it will either be ramen or some sort of macaroni and cheese. Yay. And TV. And maybe this headache will finally go away.
- Lizzardie, at 5:13 PM
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Thursday, June 05, 2003
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Grrr.... so I started writing this really long post and then it got lost because I remembered this program called Style XP that Ron told me about and decided to download it and have now changed my computer to look like it has Mac OS X because I think it will amuse some people and then lost what I had written! My own fault, though.
So back up. We'll start with Saturday, when I finished moving out of the Ithaca apartment (I can't believe I lived there an entire year and it's now over!). After eating at the State Street Diner, I drove up to New Hampshire - a fun six-hour trek in the (sometimes light, sometimes pouring) rain. I arrived at Corinne's house in Nashua around 6:30pm, where I was greeted by her and Ron and her parents. We ate a delicious dinner that Mr. Cohen (Leon, as he said to call him) prepared, and then talked about such things as rent and utilities and whatnot. Corinne and her parents Ron and Jenny and Gene (people Ron and I are subletting from) are making a HUGE effort to help me out before I start making any money this summer, which is really, really nice! Sunday came, and Corinne went to work at iParty (it sounds like a Mac program) and Ron and I started performing chores such as spackling and sanding and window washing for the Cohen's. This may seem not cool, but you should know that we were getting payed $10/hour to do this! Yay for money so that I don't die! We also did some shopping and visited Corinne at work. After another fantastic meal at the Cohen house, Corinne, Ron and I headed up to the apartment in Dover (a little over an hour away from Corinne's) so that I could move in! The apartment is so nice. It's a 3-bedroom apartment, so Ron and I are using the third bedroom for storage. The living room has a nice futon in it, along with a kick-ass entertainment system. 32-inch television, 5-disc DVD changer, expensive speakers - it's reminiscent of Herb's equipment that sat in my apartment unused for so long before moving to Will's and now the barn (but no Nintendos) for those that know what I'm talking about. Nice kitchen and bathroom. And my room... well, there was no furniture in it for a few days, but I'll get to that. Let's just say the futon was my bed for the first coupla nights.
On Monday, we went to Kittery, Maine, which is about 20 minutes away and has a mile of outlet stores. It took about 2 hours for me to get a job - hostessing at this yummy seafood restaurant (we ate lunch there) called The Weathervane. Maine only has seafood restaurants, it seems so far. I start Monday. After some more job-hunting for Ron, we went back to the Cohens'! And yet another yummy meal! I'm starting to feel bad about eating so much food there. Tuesday brought more chores - weeding along with more spackling and sanding, complete with the Game Show Network in the background. It was a good day. One more meal with there, and Ron and I headed back to Dover, with no Corinne. Today, Jenny (who I'm subletting from) came into town and we went to get furniture for my room. She bought a real comfy mattress (I took a nap this afternoon), a nice desk with a hutch and a folding bookshelf. And let's not forget the awesome leather desk chair with great lumbar support! Now that I have furniture, I have unpacked all of my stuff. My picture frams line the top of the hutch and my books adorn the shelves. =) Add a purple butterfly chair and a set of purple lights atop the windows (both courtesy of Corinne) and the room is complete! Because I only brought about a third of my stuff with me, this is the least cluttered my room has been in a long time. I then finished off the day with some Law and Order and some planting (now that there is no Madeline to knock them over - silly cat - I'm hoping I can finally start growing some plants again) - Lemon Basil, Blue Mink Ageratum, Lavender, Mint, Shasta Daisies and Alpine Strawberries - should be fun!
So yeah, New Hampshire has been really great so far. I'm putting the money I'm making from the Cohen's into a "Party Fund" for my fun and enjoyment this summer. I'm hoping for lots of trips to the beach (I've still never seen the Atlantic Ocean) and into Boston. There should be some partying and some concerting and other fun stuff, too. I think being away from Ithaca is just what I need right now. And hostessing should be fun. =) I'm prepared to have a really great summer, so yay! =)
So now that you all know how good things are presently, let me back up a little further. Friday... I can't remember having a more miserable day. I don't really want to talk about it too much, but there are some unresolved issues to deal with, so I need to recap and deal, I guess. I woke up, and still had a ton of packing to do. Got that done, found out Herb would not be there in time to help me (it's okay, I've learned to not count of people), made a trip to the barn with my stuff and the fraternity stuff. I got really frustrated, because I realized how much damn PSP stuff there still was in my apartment. All of which I probably cleaned into my car or repacked or both or more or whatever. Then I had to move it all myself and of course no one wanted to take it.... *sigh* I bring it upon myself. After that, Herb got into town and he and Liz Hartman came over. After a bunch more people arrived, we all headed to Lucatelli's.... Bolcar, Rebecca and Adam even came down from Rochester, and as a coincidence, Diesel (Eric Margelefsky) was in town just that night, too! It had the makings of a good night. Only, it wasn't. This is probably mostly my fault, but I think I have never had a worst time out with my friends. I knew I couldn't afford dinner and wine, yet there I was. And I couldn't make myself enjoy the time out. In fact, I kept feeling worse and worse. I stared into space a lot. After dinner, most of us headed to Ruloff's... where I did more staring into space and more not being part of any conversation. I was so bitchy to anyone who even tried to talk to me, and no one could even get my attention unless they actually spoke my name because I refused to make eye contact or even acknowledge anyone. Adam kept asking me what was wrong and I kept trying to get him to not worry about it, because the last thing I wanted was to start talking about something depressing and have everyone hear. He was even buying me drinks, but that certainly didn't make me feel any better. I give him a lot of credit. He did say something at one point that made things even worse, but I'm sure he doesn't realize it and it's certainly in no way his fault. We moved to the Palms, where of course things did not improve, they got even more miserable. More staring. More of me on the verge of tears. It was ridiculous because it was my last night in town and I was with some of my best friends. But it didn't matter. It finally got to the point where Adam grabbed my arm and dragged me outside. Once we were out of the bar, I yelled, "I don't even know what's making me upset anymore!" and immediately burst into tears. I cried for so long. It was such a horrible end to a terrible evening.
You might be wondering why I didn't just go home, if I was feeling so bad, since I certainly could have, right? You'd be wrong. For reasons that make sense to me (if you knew, they would probably make sense to you, too) I knew that leaving would just create a scene and I didn't want to deal with it. I was right on the verge of losing it all night (and I finally did, though at least away from almost everyone) and I knew that I needed only the slightest setoff for things to go haywire. So now there are a lot of issues for me to resolve. I need to think about where I stand on some issues and figure out how I want to move forward, because I'm pretty sure I'm just letting myself make the same mistakes over and over again, and that it's slowly eating away at me. It's funny, because just when I think maybe I have everything all figured out, I find out that I have nothing figured out. I'm back to square one. Nothing has changed, in some instances, for so long that I'm starting to wonder what I'm wasting my time on and where I'm expecting to go. And it's threatening to destroy me. And I don't want to let it, but I don't know how to stop it.
So now New Hampshire. In addition to what I said above about it, all the move in craziness and the change of location and maybe the fresh ocean air (from the mysterious ocean that is supposedly nearby but I have yet to see) have taken my mind off of things, to an extent. But I know I can't hide forever. Maybe when it finally catches up to me, I'll be calm enough to deal with it. But you all know me. I have no control over my emotions and if you know me really well, you know that the outer calmness you see everyday is just a facade and calm should never be used to describe me. So time will tell as to what will happen this summer. But I think one thing is for sure.... my hair needs to go, and we all know what a haircut usually means.
- Lizzardie, at 12:21 AM
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