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Grrr.... so I started writing this really long post and then it got lost because I remembered this program called Style XP that Ron told me about and decided to download it and have now changed my computer to look like it has Mac OS X because I think it will amuse some people and then lost what I had written! My own fault, though.
So back up. We'll start with Saturday, when I finished moving out of the Ithaca apartment (I can't believe I lived there an entire year and it's now over!). After eating at the State Street Diner, I drove up to New Hampshire - a fun six-hour trek in the (sometimes light, sometimes pouring) rain. I arrived at Corinne's house in Nashua around 6:30pm, where I was greeted by her and Ron and her parents. We ate a delicious dinner that Mr. Cohen (Leon, as he said to call him) prepared, and then talked about such things as rent and utilities and whatnot. Corinne and her parents Ron and Jenny and Gene (people Ron and I are subletting from) are making a HUGE effort to help me out before I start making any money this summer, which is really, really nice! Sunday came, and Corinne went to work at iParty (it sounds like a Mac program) and Ron and I started performing chores such as spackling and sanding and window washing for the Cohen's. This may seem not cool, but you should know that we were getting payed $10/hour to do this! Yay for money so that I don't die! We also did some shopping and visited Corinne at work. After another fantastic meal at the Cohen house, Corinne, Ron and I headed up to the apartment in Dover (a little over an hour away from Corinne's) so that I could move in! The apartment is so nice. It's a 3-bedroom apartment, so Ron and I are using the third bedroom for storage. The living room has a nice futon in it, along with a kick-ass entertainment system. 32-inch television, 5-disc DVD changer, expensive speakers - it's reminiscent of Herb's equipment that sat in my apartment unused for so long before moving to Will's and now the barn (but no Nintendos) for those that know what I'm talking about. Nice kitchen and bathroom. And my room... well, there was no furniture in it for a few days, but I'll get to that. Let's just say the futon was my bed for the first coupla nights.
On Monday, we went to Kittery, Maine, which is about 20 minutes away and has a mile of outlet stores. It took about 2 hours for me to get a job - hostessing at this yummy seafood restaurant (we ate lunch there) called The Weathervane. Maine only has seafood restaurants, it seems so far. I start Monday. After some more job-hunting for Ron, we went back to the Cohens'! And yet another yummy meal! I'm starting to feel bad about eating so much food there. Tuesday brought more chores - weeding along with more spackling and sanding, complete with the Game Show Network in the background. It was a good day. One more meal with there, and Ron and I headed back to Dover, with no Corinne. Today, Jenny (who I'm subletting from) came into town and we went to get furniture for my room. She bought a real comfy mattress (I took a nap this afternoon), a nice desk with a hutch and a folding bookshelf. And let's not forget the awesome leather desk chair with great lumbar support! Now that I have furniture, I have unpacked all of my stuff. My picture frams line the top of the hutch and my books adorn the shelves. =) Add a purple butterfly chair and a set of purple lights atop the windows (both courtesy of Corinne) and the room is complete! Because I only brought about a third of my stuff with me, this is the least cluttered my room has been in a long time. I then finished off the day with some Law and Order and some planting (now that there is no Madeline to knock them over - silly cat - I'm hoping I can finally start growing some plants again) - Lemon Basil, Blue Mink Ageratum, Lavender, Mint, Shasta Daisies and Alpine Strawberries - should be fun!
So yeah, New Hampshire has been really great so far. I'm putting the money I'm making from the Cohen's into a "Party Fund" for my fun and enjoyment this summer. I'm hoping for lots of trips to the beach (I've still never seen the Atlantic Ocean) and into Boston. There should be some partying and some concerting and other fun stuff, too. I think being away from Ithaca is just what I need right now. And hostessing should be fun. =) I'm prepared to have a really great summer, so yay! =)
So now that you all know how good things are presently, let me back up a little further. Friday... I can't remember having a more miserable day. I don't really want to talk about it too much, but there are some unresolved issues to deal with, so I need to recap and deal, I guess. I woke up, and still had a ton of packing to do. Got that done, found out Herb would not be there in time to help me (it's okay, I've learned to not count of people), made a trip to the barn with my stuff and the fraternity stuff. I got really frustrated, because I realized how much damn PSP stuff there still was in my apartment. All of which I probably cleaned into my car or repacked or both or more or whatever. Then I had to move it all myself and of course no one wanted to take it.... *sigh* I bring it upon myself. After that, Herb got into town and he and Liz Hartman came over. After a bunch more people arrived, we all headed to Lucatelli's.... Bolcar, Rebecca and Adam even came down from Rochester, and as a coincidence, Diesel (Eric Margelefsky) was in town just that night, too! It had the makings of a good night. Only, it wasn't. This is probably mostly my fault, but I think I have never had a worst time out with my friends. I knew I couldn't afford dinner and wine, yet there I was. And I couldn't make myself enjoy the time out. In fact, I kept feeling worse and worse. I stared into space a lot. After dinner, most of us headed to Ruloff's... where I did more staring into space and more not being part of any conversation. I was so bitchy to anyone who even tried to talk to me, and no one could even get my attention unless they actually spoke my name because I refused to make eye contact or even acknowledge anyone. Adam kept asking me what was wrong and I kept trying to get him to not worry about it, because the last thing I wanted was to start talking about something depressing and have everyone hear. He was even buying me drinks, but that certainly didn't make me feel any better. I give him a lot of credit. He did say something at one point that made things even worse, but I'm sure he doesn't realize it and it's certainly in no way his fault. We moved to the Palms, where of course things did not improve, they got even more miserable. More staring. More of me on the verge of tears. It was ridiculous because it was my last night in town and I was with some of my best friends. But it didn't matter. It finally got to the point where Adam grabbed my arm and dragged me outside. Once we were out of the bar, I yelled, "I don't even know what's making me upset anymore!" and immediately burst into tears. I cried for so long. It was such a horrible end to a terrible evening.
You might be wondering why I didn't just go home, if I was feeling so bad, since I certainly could have, right? You'd be wrong. For reasons that make sense to me (if you knew, they would probably make sense to you, too) I knew that leaving would just create a scene and I didn't want to deal with it. I was right on the verge of losing it all night (and I finally did, though at least away from almost everyone) and I knew that I needed only the slightest setoff for things to go haywire. So now there are a lot of issues for me to resolve. I need to think about where I stand on some issues and figure out how I want to move forward, because I'm pretty sure I'm just letting myself make the same mistakes over and over again, and that it's slowly eating away at me. It's funny, because just when I think maybe I have everything all figured out, I find out that I have nothing figured out. I'm back to square one. Nothing has changed, in some instances, for so long that I'm starting to wonder what I'm wasting my time on and where I'm expecting to go. And it's threatening to destroy me. And I don't want to let it, but I don't know how to stop it.
So now New Hampshire. In addition to what I said above about it, all the move in craziness and the change of location and maybe the fresh ocean air (from the mysterious ocean that is supposedly nearby but I have yet to see) have taken my mind off of things, to an extent. But I know I can't hide forever. Maybe when it finally catches up to me, I'll be calm enough to deal with it. But you all know me. I have no control over my emotions and if you know me really well, you know that the outer calmness you see everyday is just a facade and calm should never be used to describe me. So time will tell as to what will happen this summer. But I think one thing is for sure.... my hair needs to go, and we all know what a haircut usually means.
- Lizzardie, at 12:21 AM
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