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Wednesday, July 30, 2003
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Today is July 30th (now, at least). That means that there are only 10, yes, 10 days until my 22nd birthday. Hooray. I have no plans but if you would like to come to New England to help celebrate on this glorious Saturday, please, let me know.
I missed Grand Chapter at Villanova this weekend. I've heard many interesting stories - and I've been sworn to secrecy regarding most of them. Subrosa, if you will. I wish I hadn't missed it, but at least I know I was missed.
Instead, I worked. A lot. In fact I've worked the last 6 days in a row and am looking forward to my day off tomorrow. I may go to the beach and get a lot of sun because I like sun. Or I may sleep, we'll see.
I also went down to Boston, surprise, surprise. This was supposed to be a favor to both Herb and his housemate Jeff. The plan was a nice dinner and drinks and an outdoor movie at the Boston Harbor Hotel. It ended up being a lot of driving, getting lost and cursing, followed by buying a large quantity of wine and a nice Italian dinner in Waltham. That was then followed by Herb and I sitting and waiting in the car for an hour and then eventually ditching Jeff to go back to Somerville, where we drank one of Jeff's bottles of wine (a lovely $35 bottle of Burgundy - lots of fruit in it, but it was almost overpowered by a very strong metallic flavor) and watched Saving Private Ryan, during which I fell asleep several times. I got about 4 hours of sleep and was an hour late to work the next day due to a ridiculous amount of traffic.
I talked to my parents this evening. I actually admitted to my dad that I was looking to stay out east after my masters degree, so I guess the facade of me possibly going back to Illinois (I almost typed home - it's a weird type of home, now, I guess, but I'm starting to feel more at home out here - a topic for another day, I suppose). I also found out some interesting news about my sister (Kim, for those who need clarification) - it turns out that me not being an undergrad anymore has entirely screwed her over - in that she doesn't get financial aid anymore, other than loans - leave it to different incomes and the wonderful financial aid at USC to screw her over much more than I was screwed over my freshman year (when I wasn't really screwed over). Add this to the fact that she doesn't really like her major anymore and she decided that in order to save money (i.e., take out less loans), she's going to go part-time this year. In her senior year. She may even switch majors. So, it looks like there's no way she'll graduate in May, though she'll probably walk. I'm still shocked that she's doing this, I guess because it's not what I would have done, not that my sister and I are in any way the same person. It's just.... I'm not sure what it is, just very weird, though I'm sure she'll figure it out in the end.
I guess I don't have any other news. Still working, still chillin' in beautiful New Hampshire, though that will end soon, of course. Back in Ithaca by August 25th to begin anew as a grad student and start looking for a permanent job, how exciting. For now, though, sleep!
- Lizzardie, at 12:25 AM
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Sunday, July 20, 2003
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Updating because I have nothing better to do.
Weekend was pretty good. I had passed out in the living room Friday night when Ron and Corinne and Ryan and Cat and Kathy and her friend (Cindy?) showed up. There was some drinking and chillin' before sleep. Then we all went to Amore Breakfast in Ogunquit before Ron and Corinne had to leave. I took the rest to York Beach where we played chicken with the waves, got some sun and did some shopping (fudge!) before going to Bob's Clam Hut in Kittery and back to Dover to take some showers. After spending all day on the phone with Frank and Tracy, I finally sent them directly to Corinne's. Wonder of all wonders, Frankie Frank and Tracy made it to Corinne's before the rest of us did! Corinne's party consisted of some fun badminton (which I hadn't played in forever), yummy food, okay music and a walk around the lovely Nashua neighborhood. Ohh, and glowsticks. I am now exhausted, but of course, sleep evades me.
I was hoping to do up the beach again on Tuesday or Wednesday, when I'm off of work (my weekend) but it's looking like rain both days, which sucks a lot. I need to even out my tan! I was only on my stomach yesterday, and so the front would like a little more color. Whatever, though.
Everyone likes the new haircut. I do not still but I'll get over it, I suppose. And now I need to start coming up with things to do for my "weekend" while cramped inside. Or I could go to Ithaca. It probably won't happen, though.
- Lizzardie, at 10:52 PM
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Friday, July 18, 2003
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My life is characterized by mood swings. I look for signs... when something goes right, it's a sign that my life is going right. And when something goes wrong, it's a sign of what a failure I've made of myself. Perhaps I shouldn't be so dramatic. But I am.
This summer has been pretty great. Ron is a decent roommate, Corinne's fun to hang out with, and when I'm bored, I can sometimes go down to Massachusetts to visit Herb. I don't like my job, but then again, I don't know that I'll ever truly enjoy a job. The ocean and the little towns and the mountains and the water are all so wonderful. I want to live my life in a place like this. I want to meet people from here because they are so friendly and I want to be able to go to the beach in the summer and ski in the winter and live happily ever after.
But then, there are the things that go wrong. And this week, it's like everything has gone wrong. Corinne and company have been so accomodating to me this summer, I'm super appreciative. And because of that, I've let things go by that I normally wouldn't. For one, there's the fact that I'm paying for 1 1/2 rooms in the apartment instead of the one I need. I was told before I moved in that rent would be no more than $400/month and then I move in and find out that it's not only greater than $400 (it's $437.50), but that the per person rent is normally only $325! I've subletted in a lot of places, and to me that is entirely unacceptable. And as it turns out, the agreement was only until August 1st, which also was not told to me until I moved in. And, I'm paying $25/month for cable that I don't need and wouldn't have gotten if it wasn't already here. All of this thrown on me, in addition to the fact that the guy we're subletting from, Gene, keeps a key to the apartment, is able to come and go as he pleases and complains about us keeping it neat.
Now, don't get me wrong. It was nice of Jenny and Gene to leave furniture and dishes and food here for us. But there are some sacrifices I'm willing to make for my independence. Monday I get a voicemail from Corinne, letting me know that Gene is back from Germany, that he's stopping by the apartment that night, that she and Ron won't be there and that I should clean it up for his arrival. Gene doesn't actually stop by until Tuesday night, and says to me something about how Ron said it would be okay that he stayed there. Don't I get a say in this? I don't mind, but it would be nice if I'm asked and not told, especially since Ron wasn't going to be there! Then I get into a disagreement with Corinne over staying past August 1st - I totally got the feeling like she thinks I'm entirely unable to manage my finances or my life for that matter. Reminding me of things that would have to be done as if I hadn't thought about them. And then she leaves me an IM today saying Gene yelled at her about what a mess the apartment was and that I should clean before people arrive tonight! I am not the only one who lives here, and people get to come and go as they please - how much can they ask, especially since I work more than any of them. Ohh, and let's remember that the apartment was not a disaster area - perfectly clean, no, but definitely livable.
So I cleaned. And now no one is here. And I only cleaned because Cat and Ryan are coming, not for Corinne or Gene or Ron or anyone else they might want me to please (my stubborn, rebellious side would have kicked in otherwise). I'm very frustrated and angry, though, because this sort of b.s. I could have dealt with at home. I don't need another mother, I have one already.
I think my bitchfest is over now. I'm still not happy. And I was so excited about this weekend, and it's looking like no matter what, when I get excited about something, something goes wrong and ruins my good mood and I have a miserable time. What's the point of getting excited about anything anymore?
- Lizzardie, at 10:53 PM
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Wednesday, July 16, 2003
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Ohh, and I almost forgot. The weekend is looking better because Cat and Ryan are coming from Ithaca, and Kathy and Frank and Tracy will be up from Massachusetts. =) Saturday will be a fun-filled day spent in York/Ogunquit at the beaches and in the shops with a lobster lunch (somewhere)! And then Corinne's party that night! I'm starting to get excited (maybe I should start cleaning my apartment)!
- Lizzardie, at 12:18 AM
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Updates are good, right?
I did two important things today. At least I think they were important. The first was get my hair cut. For those of you who have seen me in the past, I don't know, 6 months, you would know that my hair had gotten quite long. Too long for summer, in fact, considering that I wore it in not only a ponytail most days, but usually all wrapped up, as well. I figured I had three options. The first was just do the trim thing - it probably would have meant taking off many inches, considering all the split ends, but still would have been REALLY long. The second was to do my usual - up to my shoulders with some angling layers in the front. It then grows back and I do the same thing. And the third - what I went with - was to suck it up, admit that I could do a nice, good thing with it, and cut off a lot so that I could donate it. So I would up donated a 12-inch ponytail today. The stylist then cut probably another inch off of my hair to make it all even, resulting in a cut that comes up to my chin when dry and bouncy. I look 12 with all these curls. I'd look younger if I wasn't so tall (yeah, I was this tall when I was 12) and had less curves elsewhere. But it'll grow back. The stylist was amazed when I told her that I cut my hair up to my shoulders less than 2 years ago and had cut a coupla inches off last summer. It seems I get 6 inches per year, which means that by the time classes start again, I should have just about shoulder-length hair again. Woohoo. Maybe I'll even look 14 or something by the time my 22nd birthday hits! Seriously, I'm glad I donated the hair and I'm sure I'll get used to the cut. And no matter what, it will grow back.
The other important thing I did today was get the oil changed on my car, including a new air filter. This may not seem all that important - it may even seem routine. But for me.... it had been 5,000 miles since my last oil change (and 5 months) and I knew this was not good. Little did I realize what damage I was doing to my car. Apparently I was half a quart low on oil when I finally brought it in, and the oil was quite black. The people at Jiffy Lube recommended this $50 service to flush the oil from my engine and do other things that I didn't really understand - even said they'd knock $10 off the price and it would take 5 minutes. Unfortunately, $50 (or $40) extra is hard to come by these days so I passed - did do their minimum $13 service, which they said was much better than doing nothing. I really really REALLY need a tune-up and it's unfortunate that I do not have the extra $150 at this time to spend on getting this done. I guess I'll make sure it's done end of August/beginning of September when I go back to living on student loans, but by that time, I'll have to driven to Ithaca and back and to Ithaca again, plus who knows how many trips to Nashua and trips to Somerville/Boston. I feel so bad because I love my car and wish I could treat her better. I wish I could get a new bumper for her and that I could do the maintenance that she requires but having a car is so expensive. =(
So that was my day off. Along with a nap. This was necessary because of the irregular sleep I got last night. I went to bed somewhere around 11:45pm and then proceeded to wake up around 1:45am. I was up for about 45 minutes and then went back to bed. I then woke up around 5:00am again. I was on the computer until about 5:40am, tried to go back to bed, realized it was futile, got up, made myself some hot cereal and watched some news (which made me realize that the 6am news is pretty much exactly the same as the 11:00pm news from the night before, having watched both). I then slept again from 7:00am until 9:30am. I guess that adds up to almost 8 hours of sleep, but I sure was exhausted today. I looked at sleeping pills today when I was at the grocery store, but I still refuse to use them. I don't know why, but I'm scared of getting hooked on them and not being able to sleep without them which would be bad. So I guess I'll try the sleep thing again right now, and hope that it works, but confident in knowing I have about 10 1/2 hours of possible sleep before I have to get up for work tomorrow.
- Lizzardie, at 12:12 AM
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Sunday, July 13, 2003
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I see that I seem to have gotten lazy. In the past week or so, I've done a good number of things, including....- Visited Nashua for 2 days.
- Gone out for Corinne's birthday to Olive Garden.
- Visited Somerville twice, in order to do chores and get fed food (that isn't pasta) and alcohol.
- Learned that Somerville, MA, is home to the first American Flag (erected atop Prospect Hill sometime in 1776 - give me a break for not remembering the date, I was driving).
- Called in sick to Brookstone for the first, and hopefully last, time while I'm working there.
- Started a book on Business Law but not gotten very far.
Wasn't that a fun list? I have lots in store for this week, before Corinne's party, including an oil change for my car and possibly a haircut, we'll see. I'm a little torn about a certain issue right now, but what's the point of going into it when I'll just be giving you metaphors since I don't actually want to talk about it?
No one seems to be coming up here for Corinne's party now, and Herb still hasn't made a decision about whether or not he's having a party the night before, so what was supposed to be a weekend of friends and entertainment now seems to be mediocre at best. At least I have a weekend day off, I guess.
Ohh, and the money situation seems to be much, much better, for those who might care. That's all for now.
- Lizzardie, at 11:09 PM
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Friday, July 04, 2003
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So the last time I wrote I said I needed to find something new to read.... WELL, yesterday, the long-awaited (okay, 2 weeks of waiting) Barnes and Noble gift certificate arrived! I immediately went to Barnes and Noble and purchased Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix. I arrived back at my apartment at around 9:15pm. At around 8:05pm this evening, I finished reading it, all 870 pages of it. Of course, it's easy reading, but that still meant that I read until about 3:00am last night and then read most of the day today. I did make time for brunch with Corinne and her parents and Ron and his friend Andrew, and then some beach time (which included reading, obviously). I also managed to get a little sunburnt, but I'll be okay.
Now I really need something new to read!
I wanted to go down to Boston tonight to see the fireworks on the river, but that didn't happen. Of course, maybe it would if my effort hadn't be so half-hearted, but I had totally forgotten about wanting to do that. Instead we watched them from Dover, walking to a more open space, but there was a lot of ground display, so it wasn't very good. Maybe what I'll do when I'm older and have money is see if I can travel to different cities each year to see big displays. Ohh, and if anyone hears of a display where they only do white and gold fireworks, please let me know. It's been my goal for a few years to see that.
And now illegal fireworks are being shot of. Of course, it's just illegal to shoot them off, not to purchase them, so I feel like I'm in Indiana, only it's New Hampshire! I should expect multiple states to sell fireworks, I suppose.
I had a shot of Absinth tonight, and it sucked. Because now there's like no tissue at the back of my throat. Blech. But it's the experience, right? Illegal alcohol, woo hoo! It has wormwood in it, which is apparently illegal in the U.S. and will make you insane, but one shot won't hurt. 140 proof, minty... bought in the Czech Republic and brought back illegally by Andrew.... gotta love it. Or not.
And now lack of sleep all week is finally gotten to me! But oh! All 6 of my plants have germinated and are growing wonderfully. I even repotted the daisy and ageratum plants this evening. =) We'll see how that turns out. Maybe some rest now?
- Lizzardie, at 10:49 PM
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Thursday, July 03, 2003
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I finished The Lord of the Rings series this evening. It was really really good. I'm very glad that I FINALLY took the time to read it. I think the only thing I didn't really like is that while the book is 1000 pages, the climax came and went and there was still 100 pages to go! I mean, there was a mini-climax at the end and all and all, it was still fabulous, but for a moment, I was frustrated. Anyway, I want to see the two movies again. And I can't wait for the third! I technically watched The Fellowship of the Ring with Herb last week.... it was only the second time I'd ever seen it and the first time I had seen the extended version.... and it was so incredibly amazing, so much better than the first time I saw it, both because I had a new understanding and because of the extended version.... the only thing is that I was very intoxicated and am pretty sure that I fell asleep somewhere in the second half because I don't remember us finishing the movie and I was told that we did. So I want to see it again. And I can't wait for The Two Towers to come out on video/DVD. And I can't wait for The Return of the King to come to the theatres! Yay!
Next up: Harry Potter. I'm desperately waiting my Barnes and Noble gift certificate to come in the mail so that I don't have to spend real money on the book... not because I don't want to, but because I know I shouldn't and am desperately following this insanely strict budget I've written for myself. But it would make me so happy to get that gift certificate. Waiting waiting waiting....
So one of my biggest pet peeves and refilling the Brita pitcher! This may not sound like a big deal, but I swear, every roommate I've ever had has had problems with this! Why??? I just don't understand it. All I want is to go into the fridge and to have nice, clean, cold water. But no! I go in and there's no water in there! Or there's some, but not enough to reach up to the filter like it's supposed to so that the filter doesn't dry out! And what's the point of putting an empty pitcher back into the fridge! There is none! Grrr... okay, done now, but I've been dealing with this for about four years now, and dammit, I'm done! Not really, just needed to get it off my chest.
To bed I go now.
- Lizzardie, at 1:44 AM
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Wednesday, July 02, 2003
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I was wrong. More later, maybe, on how while I do have faith in people and always try and see the good and am super supportive (if I can be), I'm always so sure that they're going to lose faith in me and let me down. And I'm almost always wrong.
- Lizzardie, at 8:20 AM
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Tuesday, July 01, 2003
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Do you ever get the feeling like one simple thing that you've done has entirely changed everything? That's how I feel now. I'm really hoping I'm wrong, but right now, I think I just have to wait. The simple thing may not have been all that simple, but it really didn't seem like a big deal at the time. And what kills me is that if what I'm dreading is true, then everyone else has been right all along and I've been a complete idiot. None of this makes any sense, as per my norm.
In other news, I hate money. I've been sooooo good this summer, following a very strict budget. And I'm still having fun, though this has meant relying heavily on my friends, but they've come through with shining colors, I love them. Especially the four (yes, four) that I now owe money to. And I've had such bad luck with money lately. But I thought things were looking up, albiet very weirdly. A few weeks ago, I made the mistake where I overpayed my credit card, but my deposit went through in time. And then last week, I used my debit card to put gas in my car, which I later realized was wrong because I had used it the day before to get cash and I'd forgotten... but I mailed a check to be deposited the next day and lo and behold, it cleared before the gas charge! The clearest sign came to me today... I had $2.25, which I figured would be enough to do laundry. I went to the laundromat, and learned that no, it would not be - I needed another dollar. I knew I didn't have any more bills, and I was pretty sure that the change cup had been cleaned of most things silver, definitely no quarters. But I went home and looked and somehow, beyond hope, I found $1.25 in quarters! To top it off, two dollar bills came out of the dryer with my laundry (I had forgotten about them, silly me). So once again, I was okay.
But then Ron came home. Ron is a great roommate, but his conversation was not so welcome today. He immediately started talking about the bills and how he wanted to have them payed by the end of the week and I barely have my car payment payed, so I'm totally not ready to be paying additional bills even though I should have been preparing but how do you prepare when you're not spending money and are doing everything you can to bring in money but it's just not working? Argh. So yeah, Corinne later called to have a "friendly talk about money." Corinne is great - at least she didn't freak out at me, though I feel bad because I am once again at her disposal. She is going to make it possible for the rent and other bills to be payed on time (and I'll pay her back within like 2 weeks for these new charges) AND she's going to talk to her parents about finding more work for me to do at their house in Nashua.
So why is it that I feel so alone and desperate?
- Lizzardie, at 10:54 PM
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