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Okay, let's try this update thing while I wait for the other computer to look for errors since this poor one doesn't have Office as of yet. Typing frustrates the hell out of me right now because of silly fake nails, but I'm going to try and be patient and say everything I want to. This "Touchpad Off" button is nice, let me tell you that!
It's been awhile so this could turn into a very long post. Let's start with Jaime's wedding, which was this past Saturday. I can't believe one of my friends is now married! Yikes! She looked simply beautiful, though and everything went so well. I think I looked pretty good, too, which was nice. And I had fun. Nothing like a wedding, though, to make me feel lonely. On the one hand, Amy and I were both glad to not have dates. Who wants to coerce someone into going when I wouldn't have even been able to sit with them since I had to sit up with the wedding party? But when we started dancing and were no longer contained to the wedding party table, yeah, I felt lonely then. I danced with the girls and with this one guy who was there by himself and once with Jeremy (the groom) but I still felt kinda by myself. All in all, though, a very good time and I'm so happy for Jaime and Jeremy. I just hope none of my other friends get married for awhile!
As you can probably tell, then, I'm home. I've been here in wonderful Romeoville, IL, for a little over 2 weeks now. It's been..... interesting, enlightening, dull, the whole kit and caboodle. Christmas was good. We had the whole family here, of course - good food and nice presents. I got my laptop, so I'm one lucky girl, I think. Then there was wedding stuff to take part in - bachelorette party (low key, but I got a penis straw souveneir) and rehearsal and then the wedding itself. I think I saw more of Amy and Jaime in the past 2 weeks than the whole time since graduation! New years was very low key - I played board games with my mom and her friends, woohoo. Shelly wanted me to go out with her but since I had been sick right before then and I'm really broke, I really didn't feel like it. And of course I've been working. That 6am alarm is lots of fun, really. Ohh how I can't wait to get back to my late nights and mornings (or lack of mornings, whatever). The money is nice, though.
Tonight I had dinner with Beth, Ben, Shadi and Kenny, all of whom I hadn't seen in a really long time. I realized that none of them have really changed and felt out of sorts for the majority of the dinner (which lasted a whole hour and a half). The more I try and connect with my past and the high school friends, the more I wonder why I bother. It just feels so forced to me - the effort to get in touch with people and then figuring out where to meet up and the killer - what to talk about. Everyone's lives are so different and all we ever talk about is the past. Nothing is intertwined and I don't ever even feel like my mind is here anyways. I feel bad - I feel like I should make a bigger effort. There are the people I tried and wanted to try and get in touch with while I'm home and I feel guilty. I feel guilty because I think it's my fault that the friendships have died because I'm the one who left when everyone else stayed nice and close. I'm the one who felt like she had to move on to bigger and better things. Yet I love my school and my friends there and everything in Ithaca makes me feel so happy, even when times are tough. I feel like I belong there. It's so conflicting, between the life I feel obligated to stay connected with and the one that's calling me back. And I feel so bad for saying all of this. I feel stuckup and full of myself and like I deserve to be knocked down a notch or two. I'm not sure what to do. =/
I guess I'm done venting and such. And there's my big update. And the typing wasn't so bad, but I still make so many mistakes with these silly things on! I wonder how long they'll last.....
- Lizzardie, at 10:35 PM
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