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I know it's been a long time since I've updated. I actually did write a post last week and then I lost it. I was so frustrated that I just gave up and didn't bother re-writing it.
Last week's lost post was mostly about my dog, Chloe. Chloe had to be put to sleep 2 weeks ago because she had bone cancer. She lived a fairly long life - August 20, 1990 to October 8, 2003 - 13 years - and she was a damn good dog. I'll miss her and I wish I had gotten a chance to say goodbye.
Let's see, what else has been going on in my life? Well, my grandmother went in for triple bypass surgery yesterday, but she is doing well. This is the second grandparent to have bypass surgery. My grandfather had it when I was a junior in high school, 6 years ago, and he is doing well, so I'm trying not to worry too much. I may get dragged back to Illinois sometime soon, though, because my grandmother is in the hospital and all. Not that I don't want to go back for a visit, I would like to, it's been so long since I've been there (January) but a random weekend during the semester would be quite stressful, especially if it requires a drive.
I'm all caught up on work for this week, which is good. It's about the one good thing that has happened this week. Though I think I had 2 interviews that went okay - let's see if I make it to second rounds on either of them. One thing I've realized in my interviewing - I don't mind the idea of traveling a lot (when you go into consulting, which I'm considering, depending on who hires me, it's pretty much required) but I don't want to move a lot. So that means that put me in a location and make me travel Monday - Thursday or Friday every week, but don't move me around every time I change projects. You'd think I wouldn't want to live out of hotels, but I actually think I'd prefer that, as long as I have some place to call home on the weekends.
Other things.... the fraternity voted on a house this weekend. That's something I had put a lot of work into (not nearly as much as Herb, of course) and so I'm really happy to see that it's actually happening. And while I won't be able to live in our house, at least I'll have some place to come and visit next year. :-) I'm not entirely comfortable with revealing the location yet, but it's in Collegetown in a nice, visible place. Yay house.
So that was Sunday afternoon. Sunday evening proceeded to be one of the worst nights I've had in recent memory. I don't know; maybe I was due for a good cry, but I don't think that there should have been any reason for me to have felt as down as I did, especially because it was due to one comment that one person made. I should probably mention that the one comment was basically the last straw as far as a lot of things that I've been feeling down about, and that's not entirely the fault of my friend, but as far as I'm concerned, they should have shown a little bit more courtesy. I've vented with some people, and others have been super-supportive, and I actually managed to convey to my friend that I was upset without ending the friendship (those of you who've known me for awhile might know that typically, once I get to the point of having to confront someone about something, it's like we can't be friends anymore), but it's still fresh in my mind that I would up wasting my Sunday evening and most of the day Monday consumed in anger and sadness. I'm no longer mad, I just have a slight amount of regret (something I try and live my life without). I really need to learn to not let anger consume me so much - it basically causes me to not eat, sleep, work or think. I pace around the house or cry or sit there and shake. This is why I usually end up lashing out at people when I'm upset... I'm not able to talk to them without bursting into tears, which makes it entirely impossible to figure out what I'm saying, so I usually end up writing to them. But when I start writing when I'm angry, I can't stop and typically wind up being much more harsh than is deserved. It's a vicious cycle.
So yeah. That's about it for now. Fall Break has come and gone. I'm still waiting to hear what my M.Eng. project is going to be (we were supposed to find out last Thursday. It's now one week later....) This weekend is Homecoming Weekend, which would not be exciting, except the fraternity is hosting alumni events, so that should be fun. Herb and Bolcar will predictably be staying on my couches, and Vinny and Helen will be in town, as well. We also get to meet an alum who graduated in 1997, which should be fun. I wish Adam was coming, or that Chris had come this weekend instead of last (I didn't really get to see him last weekend because I was never sure he was actually coming until he called me Saturday night), but it should be fun regardless.
I should go to sleep.
- Lizzardie, at 3:48 AM
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