Words of Lizzardie




Thursday, August 28, 2003

This amused me....

What Is Your Battle Cry?

Sprinting along the freeway, clutching a studded crowbar, cometh Lizzardie! And she gives a vengeful scream:

"I'm seriously going to flog you so hard, you will see ultraviolet!!"

Find out!
Enter username:
Are you a girl, or a guy ?

created by beatings : powered by monkeys


- Lizzardie, at 7:15 PM Post Link


Sunday, August 24, 2003

I do not know why I am up right now. I'm sitting in Amy's apartment in Princeton, NJ, and everyone else is asleep. Amy threw a birthday party for herself, and right now she's sleeping in her room and her roommate Katie is sleeping in her room, and then her friend Beast (Liz) is sleeping in the other bedroom with her boyfriend Brian, and her friend Josh is sleeping on one of the futons in the living room. The other futon has my name on it, and I am sitting in the kitchen. So really I should be asleep, but I am not. Maybe after I have some water to sober up after all the wine, I'll be more inclined to sleep. It seems to be a pattern that I come and visit Amy in Princeton and we stay up all night on Friday talking and then I stay up all night on Saturday while she's asleep on the computer. I am currently picking up a random wireless signal on my laptop, which is pretty damn cool. Yay wireless.

The weekend in Princeton has been fun. I left New Hampshire yesterday around 11:45am, and ran some errands and hit the road. I sort of made peace with Connecticut in that I drove through it. But I was on 6 different interstate highways yesterday (95, 495, 290, 90, 84, 91 back to 95) and every time I switched interstates, I had to sit through traffic, so it took me 6 1/2 hours (8 hours if you count the time in which I did my errands) to get to Yankee Stadium. Yankee game was okay considering I don't really like baseball - and the Yankees lost 4-3 to the Orioles which I don't really care about since I technically don't allow myself to cheer for NY times anyways - and I missed the first 3 innings - and then it took me another 2 hours to get to Princeton. So yeah, driving in traffic is not so fun. But today I saw Amy's office and we went to Wegman's (I haven't been to a Wegman's since before I left Ithaca) and I saw Amy's office and we ate at Teresa's, where I'd eaten before. We also got ice cream at this place called Thomas Sweet's and I had chocolate ice cream blended with strawberries - yum. Then the party - I at least sampled from 5 different bottles of wine, so I've had probably close to a full bottle of wine this evening. And tomorrow I had back to Ithaca. How weird.

- Lizzardie, at 12:53 AM Post Link


Monday, August 18, 2003

My sister is quoting Ani lyrics in her away messages. What is the world coming to? (Not that it's bad that my sister likes Ani; more that it's crazy that my sister and I would like the same artist!)

- Lizzardie, at 1:04 AM Post Link


Sunday, August 17, 2003

Updating because I don't feel like doing anything else (especially packing, which I really need to do).

The last coupla days have been interesting. Friday night I went down to Somerville/Cambridge as I had pretty much intended. I went to see Laura first - she flew back to Chicago Saturday afternoon, so that was the last time I would get to see her. I think the fact that I got to see Laura a coupla times this summer combined with seeing my family in May for graduation made it okay that I didn't go back to Illinois this summer (I barely call it home anymore - the East Coast is my home now). It's August and something feels not right, because I go back to Illinois at least for a few days each August, sometime right after my birthday. But whatever, I'll get used to it and I still have the trip home for the holidays in December. I guess that's when I'll really know it's not my home anymore - when I'm not even going back for Christmas.

After saying goodbye to Laura, I wandered around Cambridge for awhile. I went into this store on Inman Square that had all sorts of memorabilia from the 50's, which was cool. Then I tried to make my way to Harvard Square, only I couldn't find it! I made it all the way to the building that looks eerily like Sage Hall on the Cornell Campus but is really some Harvard theatre building. And then I walked back to Herb and Jeff and Asheen's place. Herb was not there at the time, so I hung out with Jeff and Asheen and Herb and Jeff's friend AJ It was fun, though in a weird way - I like Herb's friends but for awhile it felt a little awkward for me, but I got over it. Jeff and AJ and I walked to Harvard Square to get pizza, where we met Herb (so no walking back, thank goodness, because I don't think I could have walked anymore). Then back to their apartment where we had some wine and I crashed. I of course got 4 hours of sleep and then had to be at work at 10:00am. To make matters worse, I worked a double shift yesterday - 10 hours - so I was very tired when I got home. And then I overslept today!

More sleep tomorrow because I don't have to be at work until afternoon. There's sooo much packing to do between now and then, though. I'm leaving sometime on Friday to go to Princeton, though I have to decide what time. I could leave at 1:00pm and go to a Yankees game and then Princeton, or I could leave at 8:00pm and go straight to Princeton. Decisions, decisions - really depends on how much packing I get done. I'm going to miss New England, though, one way or another. I've really come to love this area - so much so that I actually want to make amends with the state of Connecticut. I am in fact looking forward to driving through there! Yay! Though I don't plan on ever living there again, of course.

Packing now! Or watching more Pretty Woman, either one. :-)

- Lizzardie, at 9:20 PM Post Link


Thursday, August 14, 2003

Not much to say right now, I suppose. It's just that knowing me, this could perhaps be the last time I update until classes start, and after that, who knows how long until I give an update.

I had yesterday off and today off from work. Then I work 7 days in a row, then I'm done with Brookstone forever! Let the countdown begin! To celebrate, yesterday I did laundry and started packing. Today I went to York Beach, which was pretty fun, even though it was by myself. I sunned and read and even went in the cold water for a few minutes. Then I explored a few shops and finally bought a big 2 pound box of Salt Water Taffy from the Goldenrod. I've been dying to get some of this stuff all summer. Yum. I live for Salt Water Taffy - I used to be sure and by a big box every year when I went to the Illinois State Fair with the marching band. And Illinois is nowhere near salt water! So this stuff is great, if only because you can SEE the salt water from where the taffy is. In fact, you can see the taffy being made as well. Look one way, see salt water, do a 180, see taffy being made! Wonderful!

My little outting was a bit spoiled, though, since I was pulled over on my way back. York Police are dumb. I was pulled over because I apparently accelerated through a changing light. Ha. I remember there being a line of cars and I wasn't paying attention so I accelerated when I realized there was no longer anyone in front of me, and then I got up to the light, and it changed yellow, and I went through it - it was a reasonable yellow light to go through, or so I thought. And I of course accelerated through the turn because that's what you're supposed to do! There have been times when I've gone through changing lights and prayed that I didn't get pulled over because I had cut it so close - this was not one of those times. Anyway, the officer pulled me over, got my license and registration and told me what I had done, then went to check everything out. No ticket, no warning, so that was good - I was just annoyed. Ohh, and then he came back and wanted to be sure I had glasses or was wearing contact lenses. Whatever, I guess. Nothing on my record in almost two years, and nothing at all in Maine, so I guess that was helpful in me not getting a ticket or anything.

Last night was the Membership Development Committee meeting, which was fun. I'm starting to get excited about working on Phi Sigma Pi stuff again, even though this time it will be as an alumna. So many different roles I've had in such a short period of time! We'll see how everything goes soon enough, I suppose.

I hate living alone, by the way. I've been living alone for about 2 weeks now and it's terrible. Luckily only one more week. It's not terrible in the loneliness sense, really, as you might think so. I mean, that's no fun but I talk to my friends online and I got to see lots of people this past weekend. Plus I have a fairly social job. No, it's more... I woke up last night, around 3:00am. I was sleeping on the futon in the living room because of the air conditioner being in there. What woke me up was a noise that sounded a whole hell of a lot like an alarm. Two short beeps followed by a long pause and repeat. It definitely sounded like it was in the apartment and it carried on for a few moments. Now, normally I wake up from terrible nightmares or something and am able to calm myself down knowing someone else is in the apartment - it's just comforting knowing you live with other people. And despite having locked the front door and knowing all the windows were locked (there have been attacks on women in Durham - a few towns over - recently, so I'm taking care of myself), I was petrified that someone had broken into the apartment. I was too scared to move. In fact, adding to my terror was that I could see my shadow on the ceiling from the light shining from outside. I just willed myself to go back to sleep, and eventually I did, but I was so upset and scared and helpless. Of course, my fears were entirely unfounded, though I was still on edge when I woke up again later in the morning. But how I can't wait to not live alone again, even though it'll probably mean reporting my comings and goings again. I just hated that feeling of being so scared.

Schedule of events:
Today, 8/14: free!
Tomorrow, 8/15: Work 10:00am - 6:30pm, then maybe down to Somerville/Cambridge?
Saturday, 8/16: Work 10:00am - 9:00pm (yeah, I know, it sucks, but it's a favor and I'm getting paid overtime)
Sunday, 8/17: Work, probably 10:00am - 6:30pm
Monday, 8/18: Work some period of 8 hours
Tuesday, 8/19: Work some period of 8 hours
Wednesday, 8/20: Work some period of 8 hours, Happy Birthday Amy!
Thursday, 8/21: Work some period of 8 hours, shopping! I'm finally going to buy that corkscrew I want and a new down comforter and pillow set
Friday, 8/22: Pack pack pack, leave Dover, NH, around 8:00pm and arrive in Princeton, NJ, around 2:00am
Saturday, 8/23: Fun in Princeton with Amy and her friends
Sunday, 8/24: Leave Princeton, NJ, at some point, and arrive in Ithaca, NY, some 4 hours or so later
Monday, 8/25: Orientation, 10:00am - 12:30pm, TA Training, 2:00pm - 5:30pm
Tuesday, 8/26: TA Training, 9:00am - 4:00pm, Happy Birthday Rachel!
Wednesday, 8/27: Last day of freedom before becoming a graduate student
Thursday, 8/28: First day of classes

At some point in there I have to pack (other than Friday), then unpack, pick up my key to my apartment, pick up my key to my office (and get some combinations), get the rest of my stuff from Interlaken, other fun moving stuff. Yay. Wish me luck!

- Lizzardie, at 5:52 PM Post Link


Tuesday, August 12, 2003

Now is about the time during the night when I wake up and can't get back to sleep. Why don't I feel this rested when I get home from work, instead of ready to pass out? Then I could do things instead of falling asleep on the couch. A lot of nights I end up chatting with people online, though tonight no one is on, unfortunately. The one thing I'm looking forward to as far as going back to school is the schedule that is entirely horrible for my body and my health (and probably my mind and my schoolwork as well) but that for some reason works for me. At least when I'm constantly exhausted I just sleep when I want to, with ease.

Only 8 more days at Brookstone. I got told something today (yesterday, whatever) that I kinda knew all along.... if I were actually stay there, I'd easily get promoted to an Assistant Manager. It's funny, because everyone keeps telling me that it's just a crappy retail job (which it is) and I shouldn't care what they think of me there, but I kinda pride myself in being a good worker, so this at least on some level makes me happy, even though I don't really care and know that I need to find something much more challenging (and that pays a whole lot more money if I hope to ever get my bills under control). Besides, having good references about the quality of person I am (even though obviously this kind of reference won't have any idea of what my engineering qualifications are) is at least good.

In other news... I've been invited to sit in on a Membership Development Committee meeting on Wednesday (this is Phi Sigma Pi related), with a possibility of becoming a member of the committee. This is really exciting to me, because I had felt like I had entirely ruined any chance I had at being involved on the national level. So we'll see how this goes. The two months I've had off from thinking about frat stuff has been really nice, but I'm excited to get back into it. Demetri and I were talking the other night about what makes a good alumnus, and that there's a difference between being involved as an alum because you love the principle of the fraternity and being involved because you want to relive your time as an undergraduate. Hopefully (and I think I've started) I can the former type.

Now I have nothing to do but sleep. Or clean out my inbox. Or something.

- Lizzardie, at 4:58 AM Post Link


Sunday, August 10, 2003

My birthday was so much fun! :-)

I left my apartment at about 9:30 (after finding out Herb and Demetri had stayed up all night so I needed to leave later), stopped at the NH State Liquor store, and got to Somerville at 11am, finding Herb and Demetri still sleeping, even though I'd called twice! I immediately got them up, though, and after some showering, were all ready to go! So, along with Jeff, we went to Central Square to meet up with Shirley (along the way starting to make up a song that had to do with my birthday and half-ton lemur cocks - ohh how I love my friends) and took the T into Boston. Herb bought me 2 T tokens, which would have been enough had I not had a problem with the first token not letting me through! Anyway, we walked around Boston Common and the Public Gardens - I got to see a little of Beacon Hill and Cheers... then we picked up part of the Freedom Trail and I saw some famous graves and sites. Herb and Jeff bought me this weird balloon that apparantly comes from a song but it's oblong - they were so excited about finding me a half-ton lemur cock, as they felt it resembled, as you may imagine (or not). There were some pictures taken of that, of course. We ended up Quincy Market where I bought a yummy fruit smoothie.... we walked to the Harbor from there, where we met up with Vinny! Yay! We only saw her briefly at that point, but agreed to meet up later. We continued on to the North End, where we walked around - there was some sort of fair with live music playing "My Kind of Town Chicago" (the irony) and then went into this cute bookstore where I bought a picture frame with dried flowers on it - and then went to this Italian restaurant (it's all Italian in the North End) called Dolce Vita Ristorante - yummy, with the alcohol being just about as much as the food! We met Vinny on the T (along the way Jeff bought Shirley and I red roses - how nice, apparently some sort of tradition with Herb and his friends) and headed back to Somerville, where we picked up some wine. Herb and Jeff went out and bought cake and candles and I managed to blow out all 23 candles on one breath (I hadn't had the proper number of candles on a cake in years and was surprised that they had taken the time to do so!) - though Herb wound up breaking a lot of wine glasses and spilling a lot of wine! Shirley and Vinny had to go after lounging for awhile, and the rest of us headed to Harvard Square - so I got to see parts of Harvard (earlier I had seen parts of MIT when we got off the T at Kendall Square/Technology Park to get Shirley's car). I was almost falling asleep at the table where Demetri and Herb were playing chess so Jeff took me back to the apartment so I could sleep. Unfortunately, I had to work this morning and get up early, so now I'm exhausted, but what a fun day. And the day was payed for by my parents, who sent money with the directions that I have fun and not spend it on bills! Yay! :-)

An interesting revelation.... on the way back to the apartment, Jeff and I were talking about friendships and how I don't really have a "best friend" right now and how I don't trust people. And as I considered it, it probably stems from going through some pretty rough spots with most of my female friends over the past few years and not being comfortable talking about some things with my guy friends. And Jeff was saying that it's unfortunate that I don't have someone to go to all the time because keeping things inside isn't good all the time and I was arguing that I like to keep things inside... it seemed to make sense to me at the time. I was then thinking that I missed Amy - nothing terrible had happened between us, we'd just had busy semesters and hadn't been able to keep much in touch... but she was probably the closest thing I had to confiding in someone about everything and I had just convinced myself that I didn't need that anymore. Maybe the stars lined up or something, because tonight, she IMed me! And it turns out she'd emailed me on Friday, I'd just missed it until she said something! We started talking about some things, and I realized, I want to tell her everything that's been going on and the TRUTH about why I've been down somewhat (and sometimes very down and very withdrawn) the past several months - because the reality is that I know I need to, I just haven't been able to find anyone that I felt sure I was comfortable telling. But now.... I don't know if it will help but maybe getting some things off of my chest will help.... though I know I'm not going to like the advice I'll get but we'll see, right? Hopefully this works out... I'll probably detour to Princeton on my way back to Ithaca for Amy's birthday celebration! Yay! This year has gotta be better than last....

- Lizzardie, at 10:18 PM Post Link


Saturday, August 09, 2003

I have a lot I suppose I'd like to write about.... where to start....

Happy Birthday to me, first of all.

Last Friday was Frank and Tracy's party... only it wasn't. I was on my way down to the Boston/Cambridge area when Tracy called me and told me the party was cancelled. Couldn't have let me know 45 minutes prior, could they? Herb and Jeff saved my evening by hanging out with me, but I never would have driven down there if not for the supposed party (since I had to work at 9:30 the next morning). Then Saturday was the day of hell. Rain and humidity added up to cranky customers and my stomach wasn't feeling all that well from the vodka of the night before (despite that I only had 2 drinks and was fine enough to drive home that night) - then that night my computer broke, AGAIN, with the same problem as a few months ago! I was devastated, of course. The good news is that HP customer service does not suck as much as their mother boards do, and they paid for shipping and I got my computer back yesterday (read: Thursday) - it left NH/Maine on Monday, got to California on Tuesday, must have left California on Wednesday and back to NH on Thursday! So that's good. The other eventful thing of the week was that I almost electrocuted myself on Sunday. At work we have to cut electrical cords on broken merchandise and throw them away. Liz, with ohh so much common sense, cut a cord while it was still plugged in. I felt a little current run through me and immediately dropped the scissors. Even though I was in no pain, I was definitely very surprised and very aware of how worse the situation could have been. The scissors are a little damaged now. :-)

Other than that, same old, same old. Tomorrow (read: Saturday, my birthday) will be spent down in Boston, so that should be fun. My parents sent money that I am supposed to spend on myself and not on bills, so that makes it even more exciting! I haven't had spending money in forever! More on the birthday extravaganza after it is all said and done!

- Lizzardie, at 12:36 AM Post Link


Friday, August 01, 2003

I think I have Listener's Syndrome. This is not something that actually exists, of course (at least to my knowledge). It's hard to explain... to the other members of Beta Nu, I'm known as The Godfather. This is because I know anything and everything about the Chapter, and this has extended to people thinking I know anything and everything about random shit, which also tends to be true (at least on some level - I really don't know that much). Now, as far as the Chapter goes, this is because I've done some research and reading, gone through records, etc... But for other things.... well, it seems like when there's news of some sort, if you tell me, chances are I already know. Because someone else has already told me. I know things I shouldn't know, all the time, and am constantly faced with the task of keeping secret, all because no one else seems to know how to keep a secret (something I give people a hard time about constantly - it's my way of coping, I guess, for being this lockbox of information). This is bad for three reasons... one, because surprises are often lost on me. Back in May Demetri basically gave away that I had gotten the Chapter Service Key by telling me how great this card the eboard had gotten me was - something Will was apparently about to do, anyways, because this card was so good. Now, they didn't come right out and tell me what the card was for, but having been on eboard, I'm not entirely dense. (The card was hilarious, btw). My vast "resouce of knowledge" is also bad because I'm a horrible liar. Sure, I can manage to not bring something up, though I'll never pretend that it isn't difficult sometimes, especially when I have differing opinions on what's going on and can put pieces of a puzzle together that the person telling me may not be able to.... but if I'm asked a direction question about something I'm not supposed to say anything about, I freeze up inside. I'm convinced that whatever fallacy I tell to get myself out of the difficult situation is totally unbelievable and that I have a look of fear on my face, constantly afraid that I'll get caught. This may be a figment of my imagination, but ask my friends who've played poker with me and they'll all tell you that bluffing is not my strong suit. And finally, I end up hating all this when I get put in the middle. When I've got two people telling me things about each other and I can't even admit that I know everything I'm being told already - because I'd be betraying the other's trust. Or even if they at least know that I'm talking to the other person, then the trust is gone, because there's the fear that I'll spill. Even though all I want is for everything to work out and to put the two people in a conversation with each other such that they can work out whatever it is (good or bad). And you know what.... it always makes me feel like my own life isn't interesting enough. That it's only this... patchwork quilt made up of whatever trust I have with each and every one of my friends and family. Trust is a good thing - I'm so glad that so many people trust me. But I guess I just want some people to know that it is far from easy for me. No one has to change anything. Just know that it's hard.

- Lizzardie, at 2:49 AM Post Link


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