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My life is characterized by mood swings. I look for signs... when something goes right, it's a sign that my life is going right. And when something goes wrong, it's a sign of what a failure I've made of myself. Perhaps I shouldn't be so dramatic. But I am.
This summer has been pretty great. Ron is a decent roommate, Corinne's fun to hang out with, and when I'm bored, I can sometimes go down to Massachusetts to visit Herb. I don't like my job, but then again, I don't know that I'll ever truly enjoy a job. The ocean and the little towns and the mountains and the water are all so wonderful. I want to live my life in a place like this. I want to meet people from here because they are so friendly and I want to be able to go to the beach in the summer and ski in the winter and live happily ever after.
But then, there are the things that go wrong. And this week, it's like everything has gone wrong. Corinne and company have been so accomodating to me this summer, I'm super appreciative. And because of that, I've let things go by that I normally wouldn't. For one, there's the fact that I'm paying for 1 1/2 rooms in the apartment instead of the one I need. I was told before I moved in that rent would be no more than $400/month and then I move in and find out that it's not only greater than $400 (it's $437.50), but that the per person rent is normally only $325! I've subletted in a lot of places, and to me that is entirely unacceptable. And as it turns out, the agreement was only until August 1st, which also was not told to me until I moved in. And, I'm paying $25/month for cable that I don't need and wouldn't have gotten if it wasn't already here. All of this thrown on me, in addition to the fact that the guy we're subletting from, Gene, keeps a key to the apartment, is able to come and go as he pleases and complains about us keeping it neat.
Now, don't get me wrong. It was nice of Jenny and Gene to leave furniture and dishes and food here for us. But there are some sacrifices I'm willing to make for my independence. Monday I get a voicemail from Corinne, letting me know that Gene is back from Germany, that he's stopping by the apartment that night, that she and Ron won't be there and that I should clean it up for his arrival. Gene doesn't actually stop by until Tuesday night, and says to me something about how Ron said it would be okay that he stayed there. Don't I get a say in this? I don't mind, but it would be nice if I'm asked and not told, especially since Ron wasn't going to be there! Then I get into a disagreement with Corinne over staying past August 1st - I totally got the feeling like she thinks I'm entirely unable to manage my finances or my life for that matter. Reminding me of things that would have to be done as if I hadn't thought about them. And then she leaves me an IM today saying Gene yelled at her about what a mess the apartment was and that I should clean before people arrive tonight! I am not the only one who lives here, and people get to come and go as they please - how much can they ask, especially since I work more than any of them. Ohh, and let's remember that the apartment was not a disaster area - perfectly clean, no, but definitely livable.
So I cleaned. And now no one is here. And I only cleaned because Cat and Ryan are coming, not for Corinne or Gene or Ron or anyone else they might want me to please (my stubborn, rebellious side would have kicked in otherwise). I'm very frustrated and angry, though, because this sort of b.s. I could have dealt with at home. I don't need another mother, I have one already.
I think my bitchfest is over now. I'm still not happy. And I was so excited about this weekend, and it's looking like no matter what, when I get excited about something, something goes wrong and ruins my good mood and I have a miserable time. What's the point of getting excited about anything anymore?
- Lizzardie, at 10:53 PM
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