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Do you ever get the feeling like one simple thing that you've done has entirely changed everything? That's how I feel now. I'm really hoping I'm wrong, but right now, I think I just have to wait. The simple thing may not have been all that simple, but it really didn't seem like a big deal at the time. And what kills me is that if what I'm dreading is true, then everyone else has been right all along and I've been a complete idiot. None of this makes any sense, as per my norm.
In other news, I hate money. I've been sooooo good this summer, following a very strict budget. And I'm still having fun, though this has meant relying heavily on my friends, but they've come through with shining colors, I love them. Especially the four (yes, four) that I now owe money to. And I've had such bad luck with money lately. But I thought things were looking up, albiet very weirdly. A few weeks ago, I made the mistake where I overpayed my credit card, but my deposit went through in time. And then last week, I used my debit card to put gas in my car, which I later realized was wrong because I had used it the day before to get cash and I'd forgotten... but I mailed a check to be deposited the next day and lo and behold, it cleared before the gas charge! The clearest sign came to me today... I had $2.25, which I figured would be enough to do laundry. I went to the laundromat, and learned that no, it would not be - I needed another dollar. I knew I didn't have any more bills, and I was pretty sure that the change cup had been cleaned of most things silver, definitely no quarters. But I went home and looked and somehow, beyond hope, I found $1.25 in quarters! To top it off, two dollar bills came out of the dryer with my laundry (I had forgotten about them, silly me). So once again, I was okay.
But then Ron came home. Ron is a great roommate, but his conversation was not so welcome today. He immediately started talking about the bills and how he wanted to have them payed by the end of the week and I barely have my car payment payed, so I'm totally not ready to be paying additional bills even though I should have been preparing but how do you prepare when you're not spending money and are doing everything you can to bring in money but it's just not working? Argh. So yeah, Corinne later called to have a "friendly talk about money." Corinne is great - at least she didn't freak out at me, though I feel bad because I am once again at her disposal. She is going to make it possible for the rent and other bills to be payed on time (and I'll pay her back within like 2 weeks for these new charges) AND she's going to talk to her parents about finding more work for me to do at their house in Nashua.
So why is it that I feel so alone and desperate?
- Lizzardie, at 10:54 PM
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