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I am conflicted. It's funny, because there are not too many things wrong with my life. And for the recent changes I've gone through, the common thread is that everyone is able to say, "You're better off without..." Maybe it my job, my things, my living situation, particular friends, activities.. whatever. And so yes, maybe everyone giving me advice is right. Maybe I'm better off without all of the things I've lost recently. BUT. I feel like someone is telling me that I've made mistakes, and that they can't trust me to fix them myself, so they are going to fix them for me. And I don't like that at all. I'd like to believe that I have some control over my life, that I can make my own decisions and I am responsible for the consequences.
The Virginia Tech situation has added a new wrench into the whole thing. Dan's girlfriend goes there (she's okay). PSP has a chapter there, and they lost an initiate and an alum's sister. I am so sad, and I want to do something - and at the same time, I am so proud of Phi Sigma Pi and my chapter for the outpouring of love that they have shown. I don't know why it is that every time something tragic occurs I am so proud - you'd think I'd come to expect it by now, but I'm always amazed. And yes, I want to do something to help. But again, just as I did in August when the chapter was going through a struggle (though nothing like this), I am forced to examine my own life, and consider what it is that I'm doing. What am I doing to serve? Also, is life to short to be mad, or is life too short to put up with certain actions? I don't have any answers right now.
- Lizzardie, at 11:21 PM
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