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My first thought when something goes "wrong" in my life is this: I'm so alone. I can't help it - there's always this nagging feeling that if I wasn't "alone" then I could deal with things better. And so what do I do: withdraw from the world. I sit in my room, alone, with mellow music (Garden State soundtrack right now, for example).... doing absolutely nothing to combat what I feel makes me feel worse than anything else possibly could. It's a perpetual cycle, driving me farther and farther downward... making me fall back from all the climbing and crawling I've done in the past several months.
The apartment situation of course permeates my thoughts constantly, at least for the last three days, since I found out. While I'd like to just forget about it, I can't, as there are decisions that have to be made now. I feel like I have three options....
1. Do as the roommates say. Sign the new lease with them for June, move out at the end of August. This is highly unappealing, because I feel like it lets them get away with something I think was not very nice and technically, not in their power to do.
2. Don't sign the lease, because I don't want to get myself in trouble for anything that happens after I move out. But stay until August. This would put my roommates on the spot a little bit to figure out how they are going to handle it, but they'd probably go along with it because they won't want to find a three month sublet. It also gives me more options as far as possibilities of moving in with friends go.
3. Don't sign the new lease, move out at the end of May. This requires the most work right now, as I'd have to find a new place (or commit to finding a new place) very soon. This is appealing, because one of my goals in finding an apartment last year was to find a place I could stay in for a few years, and that has not changed. I don't want to waste three more months than I have to in pursuit of not having to worry about moving. I hate it, and why not get it over with as soon as possible. On the other hand, I hate moving (and looking for apartments) a lot and the idea of getting to put it off for awhile is somewhat appealing.
Fun choices right? And none of them involve me getting to stay in an apartment that I really like and has lots of amenities that are extraordinarily pleasing (dishwasher, off-street parking, laundry in the basement, lots of storage, etc....). At this point, I think that I've come to the conclusion that it's either choice 2 or 3 - there will be no going along quietly with my roommates master plan - perhaps if they'd thought to involve me when the possibility came up and to think that maybe it would be good to think about my needs/abilities and work out a timetable that worked for all of us.... but no. As far as whether I'm moving out in May or August.... well, that's still up in the air (more important decision probably). I spent some time on craiglist today, and sent in replies to three postings - and two got back to me right away. I have appointments to see both places on Monday, so I think by then (or a few days later) I should have a better idea of where I stand and what I want to do. So, let's say that I make the decision by next Wednesday and tell my roommates then. I feel like I should tell them sooner (technically, we have to tell our landlord 45 days before the end of the lease what are intentions are as far as renewal, so I feel like I should have the same deadline) but since they just sprung this on me three days ago.... I think a 10 day turnaround is reasonable. Actually, I don't have to tell them anything if I decide to stay, because I doubt they know I'm contemplating this. Anyhow, if I decide to move out and they feel upset, all I will have to say is that they should have told me sooner. AND, I'll tell them what I'm thinking if they want me to sign anything before then.
Sometimes, it's quite nice to think outloud.
- Lizzardie, at 10:33 PM
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