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Another Friday night at home, alone. I honestly don't mind. I managed to catch last night's Apprentice, caught some college hockey (parts of Maine-BC and BU-UNH, neither Vermont-Cornell or Colgate-Harvard were on here), watched a movie (Wicker Park)... good times...
I guess some backtracking is in order. Not too exciting of a week. Saturday night Susan came over and we watched Alias DVDs - 6 episodes. There was also wine and a ton of food from Whole Foods. Sunday I went shopping.
This week I decided that Spring is here, snow that's still on the ground be damned (Susan says my street is such an anomaly because it has way more snow than any other street in the area - luckily some of that melted this week). So, armed with my new Spring wardrobe, I've started dressing like it's Spring. I'm cold all the time (then again, what's new) but at least I look cute and Spring-y and cheerful.
Cheerful on the outside at least. Because I'm not on the inside. I feel like it might be time to admit to myself what has really been bringing me down for, ohh, more than three years now. Yeah, I know that's a long time. It never gets any better, though, and even though I know better, I make the same mistakes. And then I justify them and pretend that everything is okay. It should be no surprise to myself that things are not okay. And while it seems I may have finally admitted it to myself and alluded to it in this journal, I still haven't admitted it to the one person who needs to hear it. I think the day when that is going to happen is getting closer and closer....
I had dinner and drinks with Kristen last night for St. Patrick's Day. Yay Irish (I'm not at all Irish). It was fabulous to see Kristen - it had been more than 2 months - but I don't think I wanted to hear everything she had to say. In fact, one of her stories brought me down even more. *sigh* I need to get my act together.
Tonight... lots of TV of course. Plus going through Chapter emails because I have cleanup to do on some fraternity things. Lucky me. Of course going through all of this ancient stuff brought back a ton of other memories. I'm not sure if I'm ready for that.
Wicker Park evoked the same sort of emotions as Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. I'm not sure why. I absolutely loved Eternal Sunshine, and I don't know if I feel the same way about Wicker Park. In fact, during Wicker Park I thought I hated it. But now that I've seen the ending, maybe I love it. Strange.
Wine. That always makes me happy. Actually it does, weird as that may seem. It relaxes me, but not because of the alcohol (though that helps). So, this week, on Tuesday, I made myself a steak as a nice treat. And you can't have steak without wine, you just can't. So I opened a nice Chilean Merlot, 2002 Santa Rita Riserva to be exact. And it was absolutely amazing. It had this floral/fruity aroma/flavor - I can't quite put my finger on just what it smelled/tasted like - but it was strong and delicious. By the end of the steak and large glass of wine, I was in intoxicating heaven (richness of the meat combined with the alcohol - you get the idea). So then today... for some reason, despite the 7 bottles of Italian wine I have, I decided I needed a bottle to drink tonight - I think I was looking for a Chianti, because that I don't have (they just don't last long in my possession - it's the first thing I want to drink). I did not buy Chianti, though - I bought a Portuguese wine (my first Portugues purchase that isn't Port, which got its first purchase less than 2 weeks ago!) and a red Burgundy, which I'm drinking now. And I felt SO RELAXED in the wine store. Just looking at wine relaxes me. I could do it for hours, literally. And I loved the music they were playing, though I couldn't tell you what it was. The guy who asked me why I chose the Burgundy kinda creeped me out though. I may finish the bottle tonight, despite having a ways to go. Maybe it's not such a good idea.
I also got a ticket this week. Not for speeding (that would be a little more respectable). I got a ticket for "failure to stop for a red light." So, I shot the yellow light and it turned red. If you've ever driven here, ever been here, you know that the drivers DO THAT ALL THE TIME. And you have to be super-agressive/borderline illegal to have any chance around here. And I get pulled over for a $100 ticket. Luckily the officer didn't write me up for the disparate states on my license/plates. That's a no-no in any state. So the next day I went and converted my license (yes, that meant plucking down $90 unnecessary dollars and paying my parking tickets). Now I have this temporary paper thing - at least with my picture on it - and should get my real license sometime this week.
The quest with Citibank continues. They assure me it's taken care of now, but I seriously have my doubts. We'll see. This time I have an employee number of someone who was really nice and helpful.
I don't mind hanging out around here this weekend. There's plenty of college hockey/basketball to keep me company, plus I should really work on the damn frat things (can we say, incorporation was supposed to have been completely taken care of YEARS ago? yeah).
Ohh, but first I wanted to write about my wine from tonight. Not terribly great, but that's not because the wine isn't good (I actually think it would be quite good if it weren't not what I wanted). My problem with pinot noir is not with the wine.... it's with wanting to recreate this specific flavor of a particular Burgundy I once had. It was amazing. It had this amazing metallic/steely flavor to it... and that may not sound tasty but it was. And then every time I think about this I recall, in detail, the night that I had it. I wish I knew what it was. And I wish this wasn't one of those memories that makes me wonder about what the hell I'm doing with my life....
I guess an acknowledgement that this entry is all over the place and doesn't make any sense would be in order. I'm going to finish my glass of wine (screw the whole bottle), turn on Ani again (I'm in love with her CD Evolve from 2003) and go to bed.
- Lizzardie, at 12:48 AM
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