|
Happy New Year. Or something like that.
It occurs to me that I wanted to post one more time in 2004, and that I hadn't given an update about my trip home (or the rest of it). So that's what I'll do now, since I have nothing better to do at 8:20pm on New Years Eve or really for the rest of the night.
So, when I had last updated, I wasn't really enjoying myself at home. Well, I can't say that you had to drag me away when I left, but I did have an okay Christmas and got to see a few friends. Thursday I had lunch with Jaime and then drove into Chicago to have dinner with Alexis (we ate at a bar called J. Patrick's in Bucktown). Friday was Christmas Eve, and quite honestly, it was depressing. My mom sulked around the house all day because of all the presents she had to wrap that day. My dad made oyster stew in the tradition of my grandmother. I went to church and took Emilee with me. These days, church is really the only redeeming part about Christmas Eve, and the fact that I wasn't doing anything the rest of the day kept reminding me of why that is. So it was nice to get away and if you've ever talked with Pastor Suzanne or heard one of her sermons, you might understand why I always feel so much better when I return.
Christmas morning we all got up bright and early with lots of presents. From Santa Claus, I got, among other things, a new coat (ankle length camel-colored wool and cashmere blend), poker chips in a nice metal case, $150 Best Buy gift certificate and a game board (chess, checkers and backgammon). Ohh, we all also got Zodiac Barbie in our respective signs, though I left that at home. There were clothes from my parents. Kim and Rebecca got iPods and I did not, though that is a story better left untold here.
Relatives came over, which was nice, though not as large of a crowd as usual. I learned that my grandparents did not intend to be in Florida for Christmas; they had to stay there for my grandfather's rehabilitation after surgery. And my aunt Marilyn and her boyfriend Jim also intended on being in Chicago but couldn't come because Jim was having back problems. So I felt better about that. Dinner was taking FOREVER to cook (usually we eat around 3:00pm; this year we ate at 6:00pm) so we opened presents first. From Jim, for my first family gift exchange gift, I got a new coffee maker (it grinds its own beans), a selection of Starbucks coffee, a Starbucks thermos and a $100 Starbucks gift certificate. I also got enough cash to go with the Best Buy card to buy my iPod, which I did yesterday. :-)
Sunday I got all ready to go back to Boston. But first, lunch with Laura. It was so good to see her, but it made me so sad to hear about how horrible her students are. And it made me think about Will, who's going through the same thing, only at the high school instead of the elementary school level. I have to give a lot of credit to my Teach for America friends.
And then I was already to go! Except I didn't get to. Despite the sunny (though cold!) weather in Chicago, apparently a snow storm was brewing in the Northeast which cancelled all flights into Logan. :-( So I made arrangements for a new flight on Monday and called in to work to let them know I wouldn't be there on Monday. And then I sat around. There was nothing to do. I'd planned my short visit down to the minute, for the most part, and then I had this time I didn't know what to do with. And then everyone left! My parents and Kim and her boyfriend Tom left to have dinner with Tom's parents. Christina left to watch a movie next door. Rebecca left to spend the night at a friend's house. Yes, that left me to babysit Emilee. Fun, really. I made her dinner and cleaned the kitchen and picked up the house. Did my parents say anything when they returned? No. Did anyone care? No. *sigh*
Monday I shipped my boxes of presents back to Boston (including a VCR I took from the house) and then went to the airport. Instead of my nice direct flight, I got routed through Raleigh, NC, and the whole trip took nearly 8 hours, from the time my first flight was supposed to leave until getting off the plane in Boston. Yuck. After taking a cab back to my apartment (expensive!) I was left with the task of shoveling the foot of snow off of my drive to free up my car. Ohh my - that took an hour and a half and by the end, my jeans were literally FROZEN on the bottom. Oy.
But yes, I made it back okay. And since, I've had a quiet week. Going to work and coming home to an empty house. :-/ I miss my friends, and hope to see them next week when everyone gets back. My roommates got back yesterday and today, but they have yet to seem to want to hang out (not that we ever really hang out) and quite honestly, I don't know if anyone else is back yet.
So that brings us to the end of 2004. What can I say? I hate New Years, but I think I will take some time to reflect on the past year and look to the future and 2005.
To be quite honest, 2004 was not one of my better years - not even close. The first almost 10 months were a nightmare of depression and internal loneliness that I can't even begin to describe. If you wonder why so many of my entries here were whiny and depressing, that's why - by the end I'd pushed most of my friends away and I had no other venue to express the horrors inside my head. The last 2 months have been better but I can't say that every day feels good and there's still something that doesn't feel quite right - as if I'm not feeling something that I should be. I don't know.
So I'd like to forget 2004. And just start over with 2005. So I have a few goals, including: play more poker, eat better, sleep better, exercise more, learn to knit, stop biting my nails, take care of my skin, buy furniture, budget my money better and learn to feel better about myself. It's a lot, I know, but I think I will be better for it and the rest of you will feel better about knowing me.
And so this horrible horrible year ends. I wish today had been better, because I hate ending the year on this terrible note. But tomorrow is a new day and a new year and there will be better days. I can feel it.
- Lizzardie, at 8:19 PM
|
