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I'm watching Before Sunrise, which I think is a great movie. It was part of a recent Barnes and Noble purchase, to get the total at $25, for free shipping. I got Jon Stewart's America, which is proving to be pretty funny, though 3 chapters. It's written in textbook format, which I'm enjoying. I also got a free copy of the Constitution (bound, no joke, complete with the Declaration of Independence and The Articles of Confederation). It was a fun shipment. And Ethan Hawke is gorgeous in this movie.
While I was driving home last night, I realized how much I love and hate fall. The world seems to be slowly down, slowly dying, with the leaves turning colors and drying up, eventually falling down and decaying. The air becomes crisper and there's this sense of peace and calm and a little less hurrying around. This continues until winter, when the world seems to stop with the first snow. I remember about two years ago, watching the snow fall outside, wishing the moment could go on forever and ever. It was beautiful and magical. Fall and the start of winter make me feel calm and at peace. This continues until January/February, when the world starts to rage with anger - wind and wet snow and biting cold. When that ends, everyone comes out of hiding and starts to grow and come to life again. We all hurry up in this effort to regain this manic happiness that we lost months before. And so it goes, until next fall, when things start to age and die again in the fall.
But also, it's a terrible time for me. Because of the slowdown, I have more time to think and get lost in my thoughts, which ultimately brings depression and sadness. I am definitely one of those people gets lonely in crowds, and I wish I was less lonely when I'm by myself. It's this neverending circle for me, of wanting to fill my life up with action so that I don't have time to think, but getting lost in that to the point that I have to be away from people, only to then feel the same loneliness on my own. All this action and perserverance, only to STILL not know what makes me happy. I love Boston and I'm not happy. I really like my job and I'm not happy. I like my apartment and my friends and my roommates. And I'm still not happy.
But whatever. Today will be spent finishing this movie and then going to Karen's to watch Game 1 of the World Series. Tomorrow I will go to the Museum of Science to see the LOTR exhibit (tomorrow's the last day) and then to Kate and Alex's to see Game 2 of the World Series. At some point, maybe I'll write my statement for the Alumni Advisor election (because I can't get enough of PSP, it seems, even from far away). And then it'll be Monday again, and I won't have time to think as much. Round and round we go.
- Lizzardie, at 3:28 PM
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