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I promised updates throughout the day didn't I? I'm terrible. Funny, because all of my plans for the day got interrupted. Kathy was going to come over for the West Wing Marathon and never did, and Heather cancelled on our plans to cook dinner. I ended up cooking for myself anyway (Champagne Shrimp Risotto) but still. At least I managed to see the one episode out of over 100 of the West Wing that I never saw (yes, I am obsessed) and wound up hating this building more than I thought possible (not only was my water turned off for 5 hours, but I was trying to make Belgian waffles and the fuse kept blowing every 15 seconds). Ahh well. I guess I'll update about my lovely project team tonight, and then try and update about other things throughout the week.
So I hate my project team beyond belief. I'm not even sure how this is possible, but it is. All I do is fight with them. And I have lots of opportunities to fight with them, considering that we meet up for 13 or so hours every week, including all Saturday afternoon. Yes, all Saturday afternoon. This is obsurd to me. What's even more absurd is that they got pissed off at me when I said that if we were going to meet every Saturday, I said that there was a possibility I wouldn't be able to make it every time. But every one of them has had to miss another meeting for various things. How is it me warning them is worse than that? There was a fun incident over a table a few weeks ago. Basically, they insisted that in our office, I have the desk in the corner, the windows be closed all the time and the door also be closed. Add to that this stupid "communal" table in the middle of the room so that no one could walk anywhere, and you've got one stifled Liz. I can't work like that. There was some blatant lying over us agreeing to try putting the table against the wall, too. So finally I said that I wouldn't do any work at the laptop unless the table was moved. I sat there and looked stuff up from my desk at my own laptop, took notes, etc... but would not go by the laptop until the table was moved. Yes, it was petty, but I got my way. I thought we were making progress as a team last week but on Saturday it turns out that I was wrong. I think part of the problem is that these people do not like me, and I'm not used to working with people who don't like me, since I actually work hard at being friendly and approachable and helpful and likable. I'm also crabby on Saturday afternoons, since I should have every right to either go out on Friday night or sleep in Saturday morning OR BOTH. Is that too much to ask? I've been working hard around the clock the past few weeks and I only ask a few things... poker on Tuesday nights, West Wing on Wednesday nights, hockey games, whenever they are and sleeping in on the weekend. Both days of the weekend, unless I voluntarily choose to get up early. And the reason it really bothers me is that I'm never in class, and despite Monday being the BEST day for me to meet, no one else likes Monday. I'm constantly being told that I need to compromise when I have the most flexible schedule! Argh. So now I have to tape West Wing on Wednesdays because we're meeting from 4:30pm until midnight. Every Wednesday. In addition to 12:00pm to 6:00pm every Saturday. Someone shoot me. We haven't done any analysis yet, really, even though I've been begging for us to do so for the past 3 1/2 weeks. That is a long time. Ahh well. I guess we'll see how things go on Wednesday, but I really dread going in there now. I just bring my laptop and bury my face in it, hoping to drown out the other people in the stifling hot room with no air circulation. I keep telling people that I don't care, though Vinny says that I actually do, and she's probably right.
The funny thing about this project is that it's perfect for me. What we're supposed to be doing for this project is exactly the way I like to learn about things. Just dive in and tackle it and swim around and then refine your thoughts and ideas and hypotheses. I've felt like I've understand the project perfectly since November. Except my group doesn't think they understand it STILL. And I think that they're so used to things being so perfectly structured for them that they don't know what to do. And getting them to listen to me... I'm not a diplomatic person, I'm not good at public speaking, I'm not charming... all I can rely on is what I KNOW... and I am convinced I know how we should go about this project. But we waste SO MUCH TIME because NO ONE LISTENS TO A WORD I HAVE TO SAY.
So I'm not giving myself a lot of credibility here. But so many times have I said how I think we should do something. So many times have I been shot down. And so many times do we end up doing what I originally said we should do, whether it's a day later or a month later. And I still have no credibility. Another problem I see is that I'm used to having heated discussion with people without them hating me at the end of it, or even being upset at me. It's not personal, except that they've made it out to be that way. Add in condescending remarks like "we'll do that just to make Liz happy" and talking to me like I'm a rock make me even more upset. Being treated like I'm inferior really really bothers me, and this is no exception.
So yeah, my project has turned into a nightmare. So glad I stayed here for another year for it. Wahoo.
I'm sure you're glad you read through that one. Well, it was time for an update and that's what my last month has consisted of. So that's what you got.
I don't know what I'll write about next - maybe a series of little events throughout the past few weeks. But it won't be until tomorrow at the earliest anyway.
- Lizzardie, at 12:58 AM
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