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Yeah, so all of a sudden everything seems really overwhelming. I'm trying to not get scared and to think things through and figure out a good way to manage my time (once I get through this weekend) but I know it's definitely not going to be easy. Theres a big project for a 1-credit class where I'm the only one who knows how to use this program we have to use (purposely up that way). And then there's some ridiculous frat stuff. And with that.... yeah, I've been conditioned to know that things always need improvement and that I cannot let my position or lack thereof interfere with what's in the best interests of the fraternity and that giving up is not an acceptable response to things getting too hard. So far that's been fine even though I've been tempted to give up in the past. And the thing is, I don't WANT to give up right now, but what do you do when everyone else is giving up? What do you do when you see something you love so much stagnating and not moving forward after EVERYTHING you've tried, which comes after you saw such good things get done? Especially when you KNOW that there's a lot of potential there, it just needs to be drawn out? I just don't know. Maybe I should give up. Maybe I should move on and spend more M.Eng time and look for a job so that I can live the life that I want to, and accept that college doesn't last forever. But I'm here for one more year, so why not take advantage of that and make the best of it? There are way too many decisions to make and too many options and none of them seem right. Isn't there a balance? Isn't there something that may not make everyone happy (it would be nice if it did) but would at least decrease the misery that I'm feeling around me? I just don't know right now.
- Lizzardie, at 2:29 AM
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