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It's a jolt to realize someone's read this, I've decided. You wouldn't think so, given this is a public blog, right? I mean, you can access it from my home page, and the address to my home page is very, very public (in my emails, in my IM profile, in the Cornell directory, etc...). BUT, since I monitor this page (and every other page of mine) for hits (I'm a computer geek, what can I say?), I know that this doesn't get hit that often. So when a new person hits it, I freak out. I shouldn't, I know. The problem is that when this goes a long time without being hit, I become careless about what I write. I literally write whatever I'm thinking, which can be good or not so good. Now, at all times I'm aware that anyone can read this at anytime, but sometimes that matters very little.
Each time I find out about a new hit, I have to stop and think about what I've been writing and what someone might think of it. I hope and pray that people don't put too much stock in some of the things that I say - I have a feeling that it would very easy to misunderstand me by just basing details of my life on what is written here. Sure, sometimes all I say is what I've been up to - just to keep anyone who reads this up-to-date on my whereabouts. Other times, I vent. But sometimes, I write because I need to get thoughts out of my head. Believe me, those thoughts are confusing enough to me - I can only imagine what my faithful readers must think. I do it because sometimes putting things in words, right in front of my face, is enough for me to find some answers. Other times it's not, but it's still a temporary relief from whatever is bothering me at a specific instance of time. I know that at times I'm vague and/or non-specific. That's because this is not the place for anyone close to me to find out that I'm mad/upset at him/her, or confused by him/her...you get the idea....the details on those kinds of issues should not be made public knowledge - it's just not fair to those I care about. But that doesn't mean that I won't try and sort out the emotional fallout from those issues here.
This might not make any sense, either - I really don't know (it makes sense to me, but that's because I wrote it). I just hope that no one jumps to any conclusions from reading anything I've posted here. It's hard, I know - I jump to conclusions all the time (see the post below this). And I hope I haven't upset or worried anyone with anything I've written here. In general, despite the boredom, I'm doing okay - it's just that, like any normal human being, I have issues that I'm trying to deal with. Sometimes I'm more upset than othet times. I'm going to be okay, though - I know that, because that's always the case. Everything works out for the best....I should go back to repeating that to myself. Everything works out for the best. Everything works out for the best.
- Lizzardie, at 2:04 PM
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