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I had a realization this morning. Actually, it's slowly been coming to me over the past couple of days. I've been selfish. So selfish, in fact, that it's hard to believe that some of you have put up with me, because I really don't deserve it. All I do is bitch and moan about how bored I am. I have yet to try and do anything about my boredom. If I'm bored than that's no one's fault but my own, and I'm the only one who can fix it. Also, I've been expecting too much of other people. I've basically been screaming for people to pay attention to me, and getting more and more depressed when they don't. But why should I expect that of people? Every single one of my friends is busy. I know this, because most of my friends are at Cornell and I know what it's like to be there. You barely have time for your friends there when you're there. Isn't that what happened to me last semester? How can I expect people to pay attention to me when all I'm going to do is complain about the same things over and over again? I think it's just that I want to feel like you're all there for me and that I've wanted constant reminders. I don't need that. I know you all care about me and will help me through something big. And you've all made time for me when I've come to visit. I'm sorry I've been so careless with the rest of your feelings. Sometimes I get so caught up in my own little world that I forget that what I want is not the only things that matter. You all have hopes and fears and dreams and goals and I've been ignoring that. Why did any of you let me get away with that? I know better, I really do, but sometimes things happen that make me forget that. I'm sorry. I have about 3 more months here and if I'm not going to get to know anyone else better, I might as well make the best of it and get to know myself better. So, to my friends: I love you and I miss you, and I know you feel the same way about me. I understand that you don't have a lot of time to spare but that you make available time for me the best that you can. I cannot and will not expect more, nor should you try to give me more. I hope you all will forgive me for getting so caught up in my little world that I forgot that you're all there, too, whether I have constant reminders or not.
- Lizzardie, at 11:07 AM
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